How it Began

This is going to be a long post (like marathon long) but I want to tell my whole story. Rather than go to everyone individually I have decided it would be easier to just do it this way and let people read it at their leisure. The whole story is important but I have marked the beginning of 2009 in bold letters for those that would rather just skip ahead to this year (still quite long from there though). I am planning to keep this updated regularly to share my thoughts and feelings as I approach my big moving day, as well as throughout my semester in LA and beyond.

But first things first. My story. I'll start at the beginning.

When I first arrived at Bethel University, nearly 5 years ago now, I was certain of what I wanted. I was going to be an NFL Scout. I'd been certain since the fall of my junior year. That was all I wanted to do. Many of you may remember this; I was not shy of my ambitions. Watching film of football games came easy to me and I had a good eye for evaluating players.

I wasn't quite sure how I'd go about achieving this goal so I prayed about it and signed up for a Physical Education major at Bethel. Knowing I could never be a gym teacher, I was careful to select the non teaching tract. I would take more health and biology classes instead of education classes, or student teaching. I figured a good working knowledge of such things would only benefit me when it came time to evaluate injuries and physical abilities.

For the first two years, things were good. I wasn't getting amazing grades but they were alright. I had gotten B's and C's in high school so I didn't think much of it. But while all that was happening I was continuing to hone my writing skills on various Vikings websites, especially focusing on the draft. I quickly gained respect as a knowledgeable member on message boards and even got my own draft centered column on one message board. I enjoyed writing as a hobby but didn't think sports journalism would be something that interested me as a career.

Junior year turned out to be a major turning point for me, though at the time I didn't think anything of it. Needing an art credit for my gen. eds., I decided to sign up for Media Production. I had taken a video news/film studies course my senior year of high school, which I enjoyed quite a bit (and excelled at). And during my sophomore year at Bethel I had made a short video for a group presentation for a Racial Reconciliation class I had enrolled in and it all came flooding back to me. I really enjoyed making it and didn't even notice all the extra work it took (only a few other groups made videos). This Media Production class would be a great way to get my art credit knocked off and hopefully have a blast doing it too. It was this class that taught me how to use all of Bethel's video equipment, as well as the equipment employed by CTV 15 (the local access channel that covers area events and uses Bethel students as free help). It also served to plug me into the media department and all the awesome people that went with it (I didn't really think anything of the fact that I wasn't making the same kind of connections with my fellow phys. ed. majors).

Also around this time, my roommate and best friend changed his major from Theater Arts to Media Communication. So even though I wasn't in his classes, I offered to help him with the filming and editing of his video projects. This connection, along with my occasional volunteer work at CTV broadcast events, kept me plugged in with the Media Comm. department, even as I continued my pursuit of a Physical Education degree.

This brings us to spring semester of my senior year. It will always be remembered as a groundbreaking time in my life. My joy in video production, as well as a desire to take at least one class with my best friend before we graduated from Bethel, led me to sign up for Broadcast Production, a 300 level Media Communications course. As the semester trudged on I was having a blast in my Broadcast class. While it mostly focused on broadcasting media (shocking I know), we found ways to keep it interesting and had a ton of fun. This class also required us to do more CTV shoots, which was affording me better tasks as I l0ogged more experience with them.

While I was having the time of my life in Broadcast Production, life wasn't so great in Physical Education. I began to have doubts. For the first time since I had decided to become a scout, I was questioning that decision. The thing I had been most sure about in my life path. I can't say specifically what started these feelings but it led me to some long soul searching. I realized that I didn't want to be a scout anymore. I still loved sports. I still loved football. I still loved the draft. I just didn't want to do it as a career anymore. I didn't want to be anything else in football either.

For those of you who haven't gone through it like I did (I'm guessing most of you) it is very earth shattering to be half way through spring semester of your senior year and realize you don't want to do what you've been studying for 3 3/4 years. I resolved to finish out my degree since I was so close already, but my motivation was hard to keep up. I suddenly had lost my "why?" for all my hard work.

"So what do I want to do?" is what I began to ask myself. This was the first time I ever considered doing anything like the media comm. stuff I had been enjoying so much for an actual career. At best it had been a short term hobby for me before that.

I have a good friend from high school who had moved to LA in 2005 to pursue his acting career. I had worked hard to stay in touch with him during his time out there. So I began asking him about writing. I had discovered my talent for writing during my time writing for websites and had even gotten paid for several columns that appeared in the Bethel student paper, The Clarion. I was interested in writing for that reason, and also because I knew writers could live pretty much anywhere. I was intent on staying in Minnesota (ironically, in hindsight, this was part of the reason I abandoned my scouting pursuit) but maybe I could become a writer based out of here.

I was praying for guidance the entire time and I felt God telling me that I would be here in the Twin Cities for another year. Despite my strong desire to stay close to home at the time, I knew deep down I would be relocating in 2009. Even when my dad wanted me to take on a leadership role with the sophomore or junior class I told him I couldn't do it because I couldn't commit more than a year to the class.

I continued to read up on writing and talked regularly with my friend in LA (he is primarily an actor but he is working on several screenplays as well) to discuss his life out there. I had never been further west than the Rocky Mountains and had no idea what LA was like outside of the stylized appearances it has made on TV and in movies. As our discussions continued we also began to talk about me coming to visit him some time. We had discussed it in the past but it had never worked out. I promised I would come visit him soon.

This past winter, not even 7 months ago, events began to fall into place that would accelerate my plans. If you are still reading, this is where things get more interesting as it is the beginning of God's most active role in this whole story.

It was during this time that my church's youth group decided to put on a stage version of the cult classic film The Princess Bride. I was in charge of lights for the play, as I have been on some in the past. Also helping out with the play was a youth group alum named Nikkie Smith. She was a few years younger than Kevin but had grown up with him in our churches numerous drama productions, so she knew him pretty well. One day I casually remarked that I was going to visit him sometime in the coming spring. She was very excited about the idea and said she wanted to come along too. Though unsolicited and unexpected, the offer helped motivate me to actually set travel dates and ultimately purchase two tickets for a weeklong trip in late April.

So the date was set and the waiting had begun. I would go visit Kevin in April. If I liked it I would begin plans to move and start a life out there. If not...I wasn't sure what I would do next as I began to feel strongly God was calling me to LA. I was nervous for the trip and the repercussions it would have on my life, but I just wanted to get things moving. I was sitting around in purgatory waiting for my life to move forward in some way.

One day, while talking with Kevin on the phone, I told him about how I was feeling. He suggested that I try to step up my plans. If I felt like I was spinning my wheels, I shouldn't wait around. I should go for it. He also mentioned that he was in the running for a movie set to shoot in April while I would be there and that if I waited he may not be available during that week. I didn't have the money to buy another ticket but I told him I wished I could. I went to bed praying for guidance as my April trip now appeared to be in jeopardy.

The next day I was mulling over my options when my dad came to me with a proposal. He had found a film school online called the New York Film Academy. They were having an open house just over a week later at their New York campus. My dad had found cheap tickets to New York and offered to pay for them so I could go and visit the campus. I was shocked (I feel it is important to note here that my dad was completely unaware of my conversation with Kevin not even 24 hours earlier) but I was a little confused. It was my dad's idea to check out the New York campus to see if I'd like to attend the Los Angeles campus in the fall. But I noticed that just one week later they were hosting an open house at the Los Angeles campus. So after some flight price investigation, and a few phone calls to Kevin, I asked my dad if I could take that offer and head west with it instead. He agreed that made more sense and I was booked.

So two weeks later I was on my way to Burbank, CA. I was able to stay with Kevin while I was there and spent most of my time getting to know LA a little better. Kevin came with me to the NYFA campus visit and helped me keep my feet on the ground. He also gave me opportunities to talk with a couple of different film students from other area schools. Having decided on Bethel very early in the process, I had never gotten to experience school shopping before and I reveled in the experience and conversations it spawned.

One conversation stood out more than the rest though. Kevin's older brother had graduated from Bethel in 2001 and had attended a program called the Los Angeles Film Studies Center (LAFSC). As a Christian-based (they are run by the CCCU, Council for Christian Colleges and Universities), one semester program, Kevin believed that it would be the best fit for me. After a long conversation with Kevin's brother (who is still in LA with his family) and Kevin's roommate (who also attended the program just two years ago) I decided to check it out.

The visit went well. I was impressed to see some big movies on the graduate credit list (Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Step Brothers, The Matrix Sequels to name a few). The facilities were modest but more than adequate for the kind of work they do. But more than any of that, it just felt right. It was the same feeling that had led me to Bethel years before. I knew then what I wanted.

But there were complications. The program had an application deadline that was less than a month away. More than that, I found out that I would have to re-enroll at Bethel before I could even submit my application.

As I discussed these things and my feelings about them with Kevin over dinner that night, the conversation turned to my April trip. Kevin had gotten the part and while it was great news for his career, it was bad news for our "visit Kevin" trip I had planned for April. We began to discuss whether Nikkie would want to come if Kevin wouldn't be there, and what I should do if she didn't. While Nikkie had still never paid me for her ticket, I still regarded it as hers and told Kevin I did not want to make any decision about what to do with it until I had talked to her about it.

No sooner had I said those words out loud than I received a text message. To my very great surprise, it was from Nikkie (I was beginning to see God's hand at work so it was also a kind of "of course" moment) who I had not heard from in weeks. When I called her back she told me that she had totaled her car and the cost of buying a new one was going to bankrupt her (though I never did find out why she felt she needed to buy an $18,000 car, but I digress). As a result she would not be able to go on the April trip. I just laughed.

So it was settled. When I returned home I began the process of re-applying to Bethel, while simultaneously trying to keep the LAFSC ball rolling. The Bethel application was very straightforward and within a week of my return I had re-enrolled at Bethel as a Media Communications major (using one of my former Media Comm. Professors as a reference). I was not worried about this process (would they really reject a graduate for readmission?), though I was quite relieved to have it over quickly. I knew the LAFSC application would be a more drawn out process.

My first step was submitting my online references. I knew that these would be out of my hands so I decided to start those first in case my references were busy. I needed a resident director reference and a faculty reference. My resident reference director was an easy choice; I had only ever gotten to be friends with one of my RD's during my 4 years at Bethel. My faculty reference would be more interesting.

For this part of the story I'm going to go back a few years. When I was taking my Racial Reconciliation class back in the fall of my sophomore year (the one where I did my group's video project) we had a special guest auditing the class. Jay Barnes, the then Provost, was not only in my class, but he was placed in small discussion group. We had meaningful conversations on a weekly basis. Jay and his wife are also important members at my church so he knew me immediately. Fast-forward 3 1/2 years and here I was applying for a CCCU program whose director was a Bethel Alumni. And where was Jay Barnes? In his first year as the new President of Bethel University.

So on a hail mary pass, why not kind of feeling I emailed Jay about my predicament and asked if he could find a few minutes to fill out a reference for me. A few days later I received an email from his secretary stating that he would give me a reference.

With arguably the best reference possible for my application to this program, I continued on with a renewed sense of confidence. My next hurdle would be my transcripts. To my dismay I discovered my GPA was lower than the minimum GPA they have listed on their website. Despite all that God had led me through, this made me nervous. It wasn't a lot, just .08 points. But if they were strict about that standard I was in trouble.

I would like to throw in a little piece in my defense right here. While my GPA was only 2.67 for my 4 years, I think it warrants consideration that I spent 4 years studying what turned out to be the wrong subject. This was never more obvious to me than when I looked back over my transcript and realized I had a GPA higher than 3.3 for the classes that would have counted towards my new major.

So even with my awesome reference I knew that my chances were no certain thing. I managed to get my materials turned in on time and it all came down to one last thing to finalize my application. A $50, non-refundable fee. Now for most of you that may seem fairly inexpensive and you'd probably be right. But I was unemployed. After conferring with my bank statement I discovered I had exactly $50.26 in my bank account.

Well here it is, I thought. I could have gone to my parents and asked for them to front the money for me, or even pay it outright. They very well might have. But I saw this as a test from God. This was my future and I should pay for it. It was a leap of faith. And my $.26 balance in my account would turn out to be a nice conversation starter.

In the meantime my dad had made plans to acquire the second plane ticket from under Nikkie's name. It turned out to be quite a hassle but finally we were both ready with our tickets. The flight was scheduled for April 21st. I would hear back from LAFSC about my application on April 16th. The nervousness continued to grow for me as I realized that the trip I had scheduled months ago, long before I knew what LAFSC was, would be so close to my second trip to Burbank. This time with my dad in tow.

Finally the big day came and I got an email telling me I had been accepted. The relief was tangible. I excitedly got the word out to several friends and family that had been waiting to hear my answer. Through the process I discovered that there were at least 3 other Bethel students that got accepted as well, one that I had known for almost 4 years.

As you might imagine, knowing that I would be moving to LA in the fall made my trip with my dad more enjoyable and more meaningful. I was able to take my dad on a tour of the LAFSC facilities, as well as turn in my confirmation paperwork in person. I think it meant a lot to my dad to be able to see for himself what I was getting into.

Now I'm here, just over 2 months later. It can be a struggle to keep up my excitement and motivation as I drift through these months of waiting. But I know there is a light on the horizon now thanks to a borderline miraculous set of circumstances. If I had not gone to LA the first time exactly when I did I would not have had the time to finish my application in time for the deadline. In fact I would have missed the deadline by almost a month if I had waited until the April trip my dad and I ended up going on. Then to have a trip scheduled already that ended up falling just 5 days after finding out I would in fact be moving? Looking back through it all I can see the path clearly dating back into high school. I sometimes wonder why I didn't see it when I was still in school. But now I know I had to go through those 5 years the way I did so that all these things could fall into place now.