No Matter Where I Start, I Always End Up in the Same Place

Fatigue sets in at the most unexpected times. Sitting at my computer, laying on the couch...driving down the freeway. But almost never when my head hits the pillow of my bed. Truth is I've always struggled to find sleep when I go looking for it. Why is that? Perhaps it is symbolic though. Often the things we seek most in life elude us. And it is not for it's elusiveness but for the fervency of our seeking.

I've heard it said many times that love comes when you least expect it. And though it's bordering on cliche (the analogy of holding a butterfly in your hand comes immediately to mind, followed shortly by my dinner to my throat), I have actually observed the phenomenon on many occasions. But if this is true, it's just another example. When we seek after love it eludes us until we cease giving chase. Like dealing with a frightened animal, we must calm our spirits and allow the quarry to come to us (love is the animal, not women).

But why? Why is it that the things we seek are nearly impossible to grasp until we stop reaching for them? Sometimes it's simple. In sleeping, my concentration and single-mindedness keeps my mind focused. Focused on a single thought my mind is unable to let go. It's not until I stop trying to sleep that I finally find it. Love on the other hand is more complicated. A lot more complicated and surely, as one who has yet to experience romantic love, beyond my abilites to relate. But I shall try nonetheless.

Whether you believe in it or not, let's suppose for this discussion that there is such a thing as destiny. Destiny that says, "In my life I am destined to find a single person to love for the rest of my life, and who will love me in kind". We desire this notion and, as with most things man desires, we set out to acquire it. But the pursuit of this person makes me do, say and be things that are not right. That are not true. That are not me. Perhaps God, or fate, or the cosmos or whatever/whoever is behind the notion of destiny, works the timing of these events so that we encounter (or meet for the first time) the perfect person for us just as we have let go of the pursuit and can no longer be run by our neuroses and insecurities.

Many who seek love fancy themselves chefs. They follow recipes and study all the books so they can learn how to prepare their own slice of love, soaked in their marinades and spices to become what they want it to be. But those who have loved for a lifetime know that love does not marinate. It can not be cooked or prepared. No, rather it is the marinade. And we marinate in it. It soaks into us and changes us to the core in irreversible ways. It changes our flavor. But only when the timing is right and when the chef says we're ready.