Rediscovering Who I Am

When I was in high school, I was crazy about football. I worked out, either after or during school, every day for 4 years. I never missed a practice, I cut soda out of my diet and brought game film home to study. I even did three years of track and field, which in hindsight was a vastly superior experience for me, to stay in better shape for football in the fall.

And in the end, what did I have to show for all that passionate hard work and dedication? A handful of plays during garbage time as a senior (I didn't even make it on special teams) and a phone call from the Bethel coach telling me I couldn't play in college.

And so I cried. And it hurt. And I tried to move on from it with dignity. But along the way I learned a costly lesson; hard work doesn't matter.

I didn't learn it on purpose. I don't remember even consciously deciding that. But I'd poured my heart and soul into something and got burned. Bad. And even though my college experience was better for it, it was the beginning of a series of events that continued to cement that concept in my mind until it became something seated deep in my being.

So here I am, seven years removed from that crystallizing moment in my life. And I don't want it anymore. I'm out of shape, I can't get a job and I've never had a serious relationship. And I think it's because I'm still gun shy from what happened all those years ago.

Because I think that's the problem. I used to know how to give 110% and not take no for an answer. I used to know what it took to accomplish my goals. I don't feel that way anymore. But I want to.

Maybe it's just part of growing up that you get beat down and you start to give up on battles. You get tired and responsibilities start to weigh you down. You learn how to half-ass your way through anything. It's a well-trodden path to mediocrity and boredom. But I was never a quitter. And I was born stubborn. And maybe, just maybe, surrender isn't the only option after all.

I can get myself back. Or that part of myself at least, because that was something worth salvaging from those high school years. And I think if I can pull that bit out of the closet and dust it off, I may just make it in this town yet.

What I'll Be Watching

Here's my rundown of the new shows coming out in the next year for those of you looking for something new to watch. If you haven't heard of these, I encourage you to look into them for yourself.

1. The New Girl - Fox, Tuesdays at 9 - You had me at Zooey Deschanel. Sounds similar to TBS's "My Boys" but without the sports. And funny. It also looks like it has the heart that I look for in my sitcoms.

2. Awake - Midseason on NBC - Probably the most intruiging premise of any new show this season. The trailer looks incredible, but NBC has failed me in the past so I'm nervous.

3. Up All Night - NBC, Wednesdays at 8 - Christina Applegate and Will Arnett are always hilarious, and I don't think I've ever seen a half hour comedy that's shot like this.

4. More as the Story Develops - Spring on HBO - Aaron Sorkin's new show. Once again, he's tapping broadcast television. Once again, it's expected to be brilliant. But now he's on HBO where he can thrive.

5. Person of Interest - CBS, Thursdays at 9 - A collaboration between Jonathan Nolan and JJ Abrams? Frak me! Throw in Jim Caviziel as an ex-CIA vigilante and color me intrigued.

6. Smash - Midseason on NBC - High school melodrama turned me off to "Glee" but this is some meatier fare. It also has a whole "making it in showbiz" vibe that I can relate to well.

7. Alcatraz - Midseason on Fox - I don't consider myself a JJ Abrams fan, but his name still catches my eye. Prisoners disappear from Alcatraz and reappear 50 years in the future? Sounds like it's worth a look.

8. Terra Nova - Fox, Mondays at 8 - Freakin dinosaurs! You need more than that? This is one of, if not the most, ambitious shows of 2011. It should be worth checking out for the spectacle alone.

9. Hell on Wheels - Fall on AMC - Drama on AMC, what else needs to be said? Oh, AMC period piece? Sign me up! This show will keep me hooked on production value alone.

10. Pan Am - ABC, Sundays at 10 - While NBC is trying to hone in on the "Mad Men" cake with "The Playboy Club", "Pan Am" seems like it might actually hit the mark.

Honorable Mention:
Falling Skies - TNT, June 19th - This is a summer show so it doesn't qualify. Can this show coexist with Terra Nova? While the setup is different, the premise is still "Small colony of humans fight for survival and attempt to rebuild their society while something scary tries to pick them off".

Torchwood: Miracle Day - Starz, July 8th - Also a summer show, and not technically new. But I am very excited for this restart/continuation of the BBC's cult hit/Doctor Who spin-off.

Man Up - ABC, Tuesdays at 8:30 - The only decent looking comedy ABC has on tap this season. I'd be surprised if it lasts but Dan Fogler (star of Balls of Fury) looks very funny in this so I'll give it a shot.

I'll Disown You:
If I find out you're watching "Work It", you are dead to me. The fact that it was made is an indictment on ABC as a network, and television as a whole. Frankly, I'd rather watch an episode of "Jersey Shore".