I am a bullet. I rip through you with no regard for the damage I've done. I barely slow down on my way out. Why should I be bothered? There is no future for me. If I slow down I will die. And I will slow down. It's just physics. So this is all there is for me in the end; do as much damage as I can and take something out with me. Get out of my way if you can.
And what? You want me to feel remorse for what I've done? I was always headed for this moment. I was created for it even. To live a brilliant flash of a life, gone faster than the blink of an eye, but with more excitement than most people experience in a lifetime.
But I still love. I still feel. You could say I'm having a bit of an existential breakdown here in my brief moment of glory. I think of the ones I left behind. I think of how little lies ahead. I speed on to oblivion but, even now, I feel my rotation begin to slow. My trajectory starts to fail and I am in free fall. What kind of legacy am I leaving behind? Who will remember me when I'm gone? Just the ones that I hurt as I flew by them. Isn't that how it goes though? The ones that remember you the most when you're gone are the ones you left scarred.
And now there is this. I am a bullet. But I am also a man. Get out of my way if you can.
*disclaimer* This was inspired by Showtime's "Californication". It does not reflect my own feelings on the world but I just finished watching the series and felt I needed to get this out.
19.4.11
14.4.11
No Matter Where I Start, I Always End Up in the Same Place
Fatigue sets in at the most unexpected times. Sitting at my computer, laying on the couch...driving down the freeway. But almost never when my head hits the pillow of my bed. Truth is I've always struggled to find sleep when I go looking for it. Why is that? Perhaps it is symbolic though. Often the things we seek most in life elude us. And it is not for it's elusiveness but for the fervency of our seeking.
I've heard it said many times that love comes when you least expect it. And though it's bordering on cliche (the analogy of holding a butterfly in your hand comes immediately to mind, followed shortly by my dinner to my throat), I have actually observed the phenomenon on many occasions. But if this is true, it's just another example. When we seek after love it eludes us until we cease giving chase. Like dealing with a frightened animal, we must calm our spirits and allow the quarry to come to us (love is the animal, not women).
But why? Why is it that the things we seek are nearly impossible to grasp until we stop reaching for them? Sometimes it's simple. In sleeping, my concentration and single-mindedness keeps my mind focused. Focused on a single thought my mind is unable to let go. It's not until I stop trying to sleep that I finally find it. Love on the other hand is more complicated. A lot more complicated and surely, as one who has yet to experience romantic love, beyond my abilites to relate. But I shall try nonetheless.
Whether you believe in it or not, let's suppose for this discussion that there is such a thing as destiny. Destiny that says, "In my life I am destined to find a single person to love for the rest of my life, and who will love me in kind". We desire this notion and, as with most things man desires, we set out to acquire it. But the pursuit of this person makes me do, say and be things that are not right. That are not true. That are not me. Perhaps God, or fate, or the cosmos or whatever/whoever is behind the notion of destiny, works the timing of these events so that we encounter (or meet for the first time) the perfect person for us just as we have let go of the pursuit and can no longer be run by our neuroses and insecurities.
Many who seek love fancy themselves chefs. They follow recipes and study all the books so they can learn how to prepare their own slice of love, soaked in their marinades and spices to become what they want it to be. But those who have loved for a lifetime know that love does not marinate. It can not be cooked or prepared. No, rather it is the marinade. And we marinate in it. It soaks into us and changes us to the core in irreversible ways. It changes our flavor. But only when the timing is right and when the chef says we're ready.
I've heard it said many times that love comes when you least expect it. And though it's bordering on cliche (the analogy of holding a butterfly in your hand comes immediately to mind, followed shortly by my dinner to my throat), I have actually observed the phenomenon on many occasions. But if this is true, it's just another example. When we seek after love it eludes us until we cease giving chase. Like dealing with a frightened animal, we must calm our spirits and allow the quarry to come to us (love is the animal, not women).
But why? Why is it that the things we seek are nearly impossible to grasp until we stop reaching for them? Sometimes it's simple. In sleeping, my concentration and single-mindedness keeps my mind focused. Focused on a single thought my mind is unable to let go. It's not until I stop trying to sleep that I finally find it. Love on the other hand is more complicated. A lot more complicated and surely, as one who has yet to experience romantic love, beyond my abilites to relate. But I shall try nonetheless.
Whether you believe in it or not, let's suppose for this discussion that there is such a thing as destiny. Destiny that says, "In my life I am destined to find a single person to love for the rest of my life, and who will love me in kind". We desire this notion and, as with most things man desires, we set out to acquire it. But the pursuit of this person makes me do, say and be things that are not right. That are not true. That are not me. Perhaps God, or fate, or the cosmos or whatever/whoever is behind the notion of destiny, works the timing of these events so that we encounter (or meet for the first time) the perfect person for us just as we have let go of the pursuit and can no longer be run by our neuroses and insecurities.
Many who seek love fancy themselves chefs. They follow recipes and study all the books so they can learn how to prepare their own slice of love, soaked in their marinades and spices to become what they want it to be. But those who have loved for a lifetime know that love does not marinate. It can not be cooked or prepared. No, rather it is the marinade. And we marinate in it. It soaks into us and changes us to the core in irreversible ways. It changes our flavor. But only when the timing is right and when the chef says we're ready.
11.4.11
My Thoughts "In the Middle of the Night"
When people tell you you're not good enough for long enough you start to believe them. I can't write, I can't do good work, I'm not attractive, I'm not smart. Sometimes it's like my mind is a fortress and these doubts are clamoring at the gates. When enough of them line up they can break down the doors and run roughshod around my mind. Sometimes the citizens of my own mind turn against me and join the intruders. My spirit, my heart, my soul, whatever you want to call it, is the besieged king holed up in the deepest tower. He has a single window that shines rays of hope and beauty occasionally into his world (art, friendship, etc.) but his surroundings are an ever constant reminder that his own citizens have begun to turn against him. Can anyone save him? Or does this revolution just need to be weathered like every passing storm? Alas that I am not alone in these troubles. And they will surely be forgotten as wartime in peace when the veil is lifted again. But they are worth noting and I do so here (though the hour is late). The better to defense myself in the future.
I haven't been writing enough. Writing is therapeutic and relieves my wearied mind. It puts my thoughts in order and gives me a full view of the battlefield formerly obscured by smoke. Writing is good. I think I have a tendency to put far too much pressure on my writing to be good and meaningful and noteworthy when really all it has to be is there. It doesn't have to be a script. It doesn't have to be a blog or news article. It just has to be. Writing isn't relevant on purpose. I'm going to start writing more.
I haven't been writing enough. Writing is therapeutic and relieves my wearied mind. It puts my thoughts in order and gives me a full view of the battlefield formerly obscured by smoke. Writing is good. I think I have a tendency to put far too much pressure on my writing to be good and meaningful and noteworthy when really all it has to be is there. It doesn't have to be a script. It doesn't have to be a blog or news article. It just has to be. Writing isn't relevant on purpose. I'm going to start writing more.
23.3.11
Slow to Anger?
My Bible study group has been studying James recently and the subject of anger has been on my mind some. Specifically the verse where James says, "...Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." (James 1:19-20) Now it seems to me that this is saying something that I have observed independently for many years. Namely that most anger and fighting can be traced back to miscommunication.
Everyone knows that "communication is the key to a successful relationship" and that is one of the truest and most easily disregarded statements in the world. I can't tell you how many arguments or fights I've observed from the outside knowing that if the two people involved would just slow their anger train and understand what is actually being said they'd realize that they are actually on the same side (or very nearly). Of course other times, it's just inadequacies in our own language or even our own ability to wield it accurately. In short, nothing to get angry over.
How many times have you realized this yourself? Or how many times have you been fighting with someone and not known yourself why you were angry? Or that you were upset about something/someone else? Or even that you were really mad at yourself? How many times are your real motives selfishness and pride? How often after you get angry about something do you realize that it was petty and silly later? Even anger over legitimate hurt is often an issue of miscommunication or someone unjustifiably taking anger out on you. I submit to you that a vast majority of human anger falls into these categories. I also challenge you (and myself) to answer the following; Is any of the anger in these categories just?
No. It's not. Period. James doesn't pussyfoot around with it either because he is directly addressing these situations. He says "...human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." Not that it is not conducive to it. Not that it doesn't always. Strict and clear, human anger is utterly flawed and leads to sin. When you look at the root, I would even go so far as to argue that all human anger is, in and of itself, a sin. "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander..." (Col 3:8).
People sometimes talk about how "It's ok for a Christian to get angry. There is nothing inherently sinful or wrong with it. Even Jesus got angry at the money changers at the Temple. So it's ok to get angry with someone as long as you don't sin." And that is true. Anger is not inherently evil. In some circumstances it can be quite beneficial even. Now this may sound like a contradiction but remember what I said about language inadequacies. We need to recognize that there are three different things that we use that word for and for which there is no other word in our language; Holy Anger, Human Anger and Anger in the general sense that encompasses the emotional and physiological reaction without any deference to cause. Human Anger is inherently wrong. Holy anger, and by association anger in general, are not.
I think we need to look a little more closely at this example of Christ's anger before we start using it as justification for our feelings/actions/outbursts though. Jesus got angry because humans had turned his "Father's House into a den of thieves". They had profaned a holy thing. And I think it is here that we find the truth that separates Human Anger from Holy Anger. The things that we should be angry about are things like injustice, ignorance, hatred and greed. The true wrongs of this world. Real evil. These are some of the things that should provoke a righteous anger in us. And you know what I'm talking about because this kind of anger really does feel different.
Here are just a few contemporary examples of things I believe God wants us to be angry about:
- There are people in this country that stole billions of dollars and ruined the world economy, leaving many millions without jobs. Not one of those people have seen the inside of a jail cell. They likely never will (talk about a den of thieves).
- 681 miles away from American soil is Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.
- There are over 60 million orphans in Africa.
- There are more slaves in the world today than at any other time in human history. While we'd like to pretend that America is past that, there are in fact still tens of thousands of slaves in America today.
- Currently, across America, between 100,000 and 300,000 minors are victims of sex trafficking. A majority are American citizens. (btw, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsY93C8cm54)
- Minnesota alone saw a 55% increase in sex trafficking in 2010.
That's what we should become angry about (though there are certainly smaller things to be angry about too). Not the human anger that flashes hot and hurts the people around us (as well as ourselves) and that James beseeches us to avoid (the slow allows for human failure, it doesn't excuse it). The kind of anger that is deeply ingrained in us. Because anger that is burning in our core lasts (this is not to say that all anger we put in our heart is just, only that it is where just anger naturally lives) and anger that lasts motivates us to change (does anything else?). It was that kind of anger that drove change during the civil rights movement.
I think that God wants our hearts to be broken by the things that break his heart. And I think that many of the things that break God's heart should make us angry. Sadness brings about pity and apathy. You're sad about things you feel are out of your control. With things like acts of nature (the earthquake in Haiti and devastating Tsunamis in the Pacifc) or one time events (terror attacks, tragic death), sometimes that is the only response because things really are out of your control.
But anger brings about change. You're angry because something needs to be stopped and isn't. Did Jesus see the money changers and say "Oh, that's so sad. If only I could do something about it. But it's so big, what can I do." No! He got angry and did something about it.
I'll leave you with these verses...
"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." James 4:17
And if you don't know the good you ought to do...
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
Everyone knows that "communication is the key to a successful relationship" and that is one of the truest and most easily disregarded statements in the world. I can't tell you how many arguments or fights I've observed from the outside knowing that if the two people involved would just slow their anger train and understand what is actually being said they'd realize that they are actually on the same side (or very nearly). Of course other times, it's just inadequacies in our own language or even our own ability to wield it accurately. In short, nothing to get angry over.
How many times have you realized this yourself? Or how many times have you been fighting with someone and not known yourself why you were angry? Or that you were upset about something/someone else? Or even that you were really mad at yourself? How many times are your real motives selfishness and pride? How often after you get angry about something do you realize that it was petty and silly later? Even anger over legitimate hurt is often an issue of miscommunication or someone unjustifiably taking anger out on you. I submit to you that a vast majority of human anger falls into these categories. I also challenge you (and myself) to answer the following; Is any of the anger in these categories just?
No. It's not. Period. James doesn't pussyfoot around with it either because he is directly addressing these situations. He says "...human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." Not that it is not conducive to it. Not that it doesn't always. Strict and clear, human anger is utterly flawed and leads to sin. When you look at the root, I would even go so far as to argue that all human anger is, in and of itself, a sin. "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander..." (Col 3:8).
People sometimes talk about how "It's ok for a Christian to get angry. There is nothing inherently sinful or wrong with it. Even Jesus got angry at the money changers at the Temple. So it's ok to get angry with someone as long as you don't sin." And that is true. Anger is not inherently evil. In some circumstances it can be quite beneficial even. Now this may sound like a contradiction but remember what I said about language inadequacies. We need to recognize that there are three different things that we use that word for and for which there is no other word in our language; Holy Anger, Human Anger and Anger in the general sense that encompasses the emotional and physiological reaction without any deference to cause. Human Anger is inherently wrong. Holy anger, and by association anger in general, are not.
I think we need to look a little more closely at this example of Christ's anger before we start using it as justification for our feelings/actions/outbursts though. Jesus got angry because humans had turned his "Father's House into a den of thieves". They had profaned a holy thing. And I think it is here that we find the truth that separates Human Anger from Holy Anger. The things that we should be angry about are things like injustice, ignorance, hatred and greed. The true wrongs of this world. Real evil. These are some of the things that should provoke a righteous anger in us. And you know what I'm talking about because this kind of anger really does feel different.
Here are just a few contemporary examples of things I believe God wants us to be angry about:
- There are people in this country that stole billions of dollars and ruined the world economy, leaving many millions without jobs. Not one of those people have seen the inside of a jail cell. They likely never will (talk about a den of thieves).
- 681 miles away from American soil is Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.
- There are over 60 million orphans in Africa.
- There are more slaves in the world today than at any other time in human history. While we'd like to pretend that America is past that, there are in fact still tens of thousands of slaves in America today.
- Currently, across America, between 100,000 and 300,000 minors are victims of sex trafficking. A majority are American citizens. (btw, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsY93C8cm54)
- Minnesota alone saw a 55% increase in sex trafficking in 2010.
That's what we should become angry about (though there are certainly smaller things to be angry about too). Not the human anger that flashes hot and hurts the people around us (as well as ourselves) and that James beseeches us to avoid (the slow allows for human failure, it doesn't excuse it). The kind of anger that is deeply ingrained in us. Because anger that is burning in our core lasts (this is not to say that all anger we put in our heart is just, only that it is where just anger naturally lives) and anger that lasts motivates us to change (does anything else?). It was that kind of anger that drove change during the civil rights movement.
I think that God wants our hearts to be broken by the things that break his heart. And I think that many of the things that break God's heart should make us angry. Sadness brings about pity and apathy. You're sad about things you feel are out of your control. With things like acts of nature (the earthquake in Haiti and devastating Tsunamis in the Pacifc) or one time events (terror attacks, tragic death), sometimes that is the only response because things really are out of your control.
But anger brings about change. You're angry because something needs to be stopped and isn't. Did Jesus see the money changers and say "Oh, that's so sad. If only I could do something about it. But it's so big, what can I do." No! He got angry and did something about it.
I'll leave you with these verses...
"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." James 4:17
And if you don't know the good you ought to do...
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
18.3.11
Fighting My Inner Saboteur
The biggest challenge I face in my writing is fighting my Inner Saboteur. His cousin Inner Critic and I have plenty of issues we're working through ourselves, but I recognize his value. The Inner Critic can be constructive if you learn when to listen to him. Many a bad joke or poorly phrased line of dialogue has been thrown out thanks to his advice.
My Inner Saboteur, on the other hand, does just what you'd expect. Usually, it's just a matter of willing myself past distractions and delusions he throws in my way. But I have identified an area of my life where he may still hold the upper hand.
My screenwriting teacher at LAFSC had a saying, "Thinking about writing isn't writing, only writing is writing." In this case, he specifically means "pages". That is to say, if I'm not writing pages of my script, I'm not really writing (it's also worth noting he suggested that we must spend 5-10 hours a day "writing" to be real writers). I struggled with this adage for many, many months. While it sounds good at first, I have to fundamentally disagree with it in every way. I put dozens of hours of prep work into my writing. And yes, some of that prep work is done in my mind, some by jotting notes or saving text message drafts with short notes (I currently have about 60 text messages saved in my drafts for just this purpose). But there is a reason for it (just like there is a reason for this tangent about my screenwriting prof). It's because when I put something to page in written form, it's very tangible and real and very hard to change. It cements the idea in my mind. In college, I'd literally study for tests by copying my notes by hand (at least for classes where the info didn't quite stick the first time I wrote those notes, which was only a handful of classes). The connection between my hand and my brain has always been strong like that.
While I've come to grips with that saying, which drove me a little nuts for about 2 months during my time at LAFSC (does homework for other classes count as writing!? I shouldn't be eating, I should be writing! yes, those were actual thoughts I had), it brings me around to my original topic. While writing down notes and ideas really has a way of cementing something in my mind, nothing quite cements to me like script pages. Once those words hit the page, they begin to quickly dry in that shape. Now I don't necessarily mean dialogue and action lines and things like that. I mean mostly the story structure, the plot points and the order the story unfolds. Once I start writing something as the first page, it's very difficult for me to displace that scene from page 1 no matter how many rewrites I attempt.
And here is where the Inner Saboteur strikes me hardest. For the last several days I've been essentially ready to start writing script pages on my new spec script...and gotten nothing done. I haven't even started a document for it. In fact, this Inner Saboteur is so effective that he keeps me from even thinking about the script at all. I forget all about it for hours at a time. And this isn't something new. It has prevented my progress with every script I've ever written (admittedly, still a small sampling).
And yet, perhaps there is good to be gleaned from the Inner Saboteur as well. My delay has helped me to delve deeper into my story and really flesh it out. Maybe the Inner Saboteur knows of my cementing nature and works to prevent me from jumping into a story before it is ready. I made several breakthroughs tonight that made this script make a lot more sense (one whole storyline was very vaguely drawn up and wasn't working for days of preparation and meditation).
My awareness gives me the upper hand. Knowing what I'm fighting makes it easier to fight. Knowing that I'm fighting makes it easier to fight. But that's the value of deadlines. Having contests to submit this script to gives me a back end and keeps me focused. Procrastinators need a deadline or they'd put things off forever. Mine is just two months away. It's been fun, and a little enlightening Saboteur, but it's time to get back to work.
My Inner Saboteur, on the other hand, does just what you'd expect. Usually, it's just a matter of willing myself past distractions and delusions he throws in my way. But I have identified an area of my life where he may still hold the upper hand.
My screenwriting teacher at LAFSC had a saying, "Thinking about writing isn't writing, only writing is writing." In this case, he specifically means "pages". That is to say, if I'm not writing pages of my script, I'm not really writing (it's also worth noting he suggested that we must spend 5-10 hours a day "writing" to be real writers). I struggled with this adage for many, many months. While it sounds good at first, I have to fundamentally disagree with it in every way. I put dozens of hours of prep work into my writing. And yes, some of that prep work is done in my mind, some by jotting notes or saving text message drafts with short notes (I currently have about 60 text messages saved in my drafts for just this purpose). But there is a reason for it (just like there is a reason for this tangent about my screenwriting prof). It's because when I put something to page in written form, it's very tangible and real and very hard to change. It cements the idea in my mind. In college, I'd literally study for tests by copying my notes by hand (at least for classes where the info didn't quite stick the first time I wrote those notes, which was only a handful of classes). The connection between my hand and my brain has always been strong like that.
While I've come to grips with that saying, which drove me a little nuts for about 2 months during my time at LAFSC (does homework for other classes count as writing!? I shouldn't be eating, I should be writing! yes, those were actual thoughts I had), it brings me around to my original topic. While writing down notes and ideas really has a way of cementing something in my mind, nothing quite cements to me like script pages. Once those words hit the page, they begin to quickly dry in that shape. Now I don't necessarily mean dialogue and action lines and things like that. I mean mostly the story structure, the plot points and the order the story unfolds. Once I start writing something as the first page, it's very difficult for me to displace that scene from page 1 no matter how many rewrites I attempt.
And here is where the Inner Saboteur strikes me hardest. For the last several days I've been essentially ready to start writing script pages on my new spec script...and gotten nothing done. I haven't even started a document for it. In fact, this Inner Saboteur is so effective that he keeps me from even thinking about the script at all. I forget all about it for hours at a time. And this isn't something new. It has prevented my progress with every script I've ever written (admittedly, still a small sampling).
And yet, perhaps there is good to be gleaned from the Inner Saboteur as well. My delay has helped me to delve deeper into my story and really flesh it out. Maybe the Inner Saboteur knows of my cementing nature and works to prevent me from jumping into a story before it is ready. I made several breakthroughs tonight that made this script make a lot more sense (one whole storyline was very vaguely drawn up and wasn't working for days of preparation and meditation).
My awareness gives me the upper hand. Knowing what I'm fighting makes it easier to fight. Knowing that I'm fighting makes it easier to fight. But that's the value of deadlines. Having contests to submit this script to gives me a back end and keeps me focused. Procrastinators need a deadline or they'd put things off forever. Mine is just two months away. It's been fun, and a little enlightening Saboteur, but it's time to get back to work.
11.3.11
What have you been up to?
While I've enjoyed posting some of my prose on this blog, it has come to my attention that I haven't told you anything new about what I've been up to in the meantime. A long meantime.
Towards the end of January I had the privilege of joining my family in Arizona for an extended weekend trip to visit my grandparents. It had been about 10 years since we visited them there (they spend most of the year in MN so it's not like I haven't seen them during that time). It was a wonderful experience for me, who is always facing a shortage of family time. We had In N Out, went to a flea market, went hiking and just all around had a good time relaxing and enjoying some rare time together. I also got to see my friend Thomas Finn, who is going to school in Arizona. So that was pretty great too. It was a nice break for me coming off my big rewrite for "Beat" and helped me recharge to dive back into it when I got back to California.
Which is exactly what I did. I've finished 2 more rewrites since I've returned and it keeps getting better. But it wasn't long after I got back that my friend Tim Van De Walker came to visit for two weeks! It was a long visit but Tim is making plans to move to Burbank himself in the next couple months (possibly as early as April 1st) and so it was mostly a functional trip, as opposed to vacation. It is always nice to have Tim around and I am very excited for his impending move.
Not 2 days after I put Tim on a plane back to Minnesota, my mom and sister made their (now) annual pilgrimage to Burbank. It was barely more than a month since I'd seen them in Arizona but it was very good to have them here. As I said before, I am always lacking on family time and this was a wonderful treat anytime of year. My mom makes more money these days than when she was home raising us kids so she seems intent on spoiling me like she never was able to when I was little :)
All in all it's been a good couple of months. No where near enough work still but I've come to terms with it for now and am trying to make the best of it by focusing on writing. I'm on pace to submit my pilot to a contest early next month and I've begun work on a "Modern Family" spec script for contest submission to several contests starting in May. Obviously winning any of those contests would be a huge boon to my career, but I am fully aware that it's more of a crapshoot and not much of a valid career path. But I figure if I have a shot at advancing my career, might as well take that shot, right?
They say that everyone in this town gets their shot at a big break sometime. The problem is that most people aren't ready for it when it comes and miss out. I'm just trying my best to be ready for it, if it ever comes along. If I don't win those contests, I'll still have 2 half hour, single camera comedy scripts (one original and one spec) that will make for a nice pairing if I want to try to get representation. That is also probably a long shot, but no harm in throwing out some lines to see what I can catch.
That more or less sums up the biggest stuff that I've had going on the last two months. I'm nearly finished with "Beat" (good thing too, the contest deadline is in a month) and I'm hoping to start focusing exclusively on my Modern Family spec in the next couple of days. I won't have a terribly long time to work on it and it's the one I'll be submitting to the most contests, so pray for inspiration.
p.s. For those not "down with the lingo", in the TV world, a "spec script" is where you write a script for an existing show to show you can imitate the voice of that show and its characters. It's "on spec" which means you won't be paid for it (and it will never actually be made) but it is an integral part of a writer's portfolio if they want to get into television writing.
Towards the end of January I had the privilege of joining my family in Arizona for an extended weekend trip to visit my grandparents. It had been about 10 years since we visited them there (they spend most of the year in MN so it's not like I haven't seen them during that time). It was a wonderful experience for me, who is always facing a shortage of family time. We had In N Out, went to a flea market, went hiking and just all around had a good time relaxing and enjoying some rare time together. I also got to see my friend Thomas Finn, who is going to school in Arizona. So that was pretty great too. It was a nice break for me coming off my big rewrite for "Beat" and helped me recharge to dive back into it when I got back to California.
Which is exactly what I did. I've finished 2 more rewrites since I've returned and it keeps getting better. But it wasn't long after I got back that my friend Tim Van De Walker came to visit for two weeks! It was a long visit but Tim is making plans to move to Burbank himself in the next couple months (possibly as early as April 1st) and so it was mostly a functional trip, as opposed to vacation. It is always nice to have Tim around and I am very excited for his impending move.
Not 2 days after I put Tim on a plane back to Minnesota, my mom and sister made their (now) annual pilgrimage to Burbank. It was barely more than a month since I'd seen them in Arizona but it was very good to have them here. As I said before, I am always lacking on family time and this was a wonderful treat anytime of year. My mom makes more money these days than when she was home raising us kids so she seems intent on spoiling me like she never was able to when I was little :)
All in all it's been a good couple of months. No where near enough work still but I've come to terms with it for now and am trying to make the best of it by focusing on writing. I'm on pace to submit my pilot to a contest early next month and I've begun work on a "Modern Family" spec script for contest submission to several contests starting in May. Obviously winning any of those contests would be a huge boon to my career, but I am fully aware that it's more of a crapshoot and not much of a valid career path. But I figure if I have a shot at advancing my career, might as well take that shot, right?
They say that everyone in this town gets their shot at a big break sometime. The problem is that most people aren't ready for it when it comes and miss out. I'm just trying my best to be ready for it, if it ever comes along. If I don't win those contests, I'll still have 2 half hour, single camera comedy scripts (one original and one spec) that will make for a nice pairing if I want to try to get representation. That is also probably a long shot, but no harm in throwing out some lines to see what I can catch.
That more or less sums up the biggest stuff that I've had going on the last two months. I'm nearly finished with "Beat" (good thing too, the contest deadline is in a month) and I'm hoping to start focusing exclusively on my Modern Family spec in the next couple of days. I won't have a terribly long time to work on it and it's the one I'll be submitting to the most contests, so pray for inspiration.
p.s. For those not "down with the lingo", in the TV world, a "spec script" is where you write a script for an existing show to show you can imitate the voice of that show and its characters. It's "on spec" which means you won't be paid for it (and it will never actually be made) but it is an integral part of a writer's portfolio if they want to get into television writing.
14.2.11
More thoughts on love
Mankind's capacity for selfishness doesn't interest me. I am all too familiar with the vile thing. I need not look any further than my most secret desires to confirm that man is, in his natural state, inherently and passionately selfish.
No what interests me, and is by far the worthier study, is man's capacity for love. It is all at once the most natural and most foreign thing to man's fundamental nature. The boundaries of love are still undiscovered by mankind and it's true abilities are still not fully understood. I don't believe there is a man born capable of such exploration.
Love conquers and heals. It terrifies and comforts. It's universal, yet deeply, deeply personal. It's a paradox worthy of the greatest mind, yet understood by an infant. Surely there is nothing greater in the whole of existence.
So why should a man dwell on the bile when he can seek after the transcendent? Why tell self indulgent stories of vice when the unexplored country lies beyond? While art is meant to show us who we are, perhaps the greatest art is meant to yearn after mankind's great potential. I, for one, prefer the latter.
No what interests me, and is by far the worthier study, is man's capacity for love. It is all at once the most natural and most foreign thing to man's fundamental nature. The boundaries of love are still undiscovered by mankind and it's true abilities are still not fully understood. I don't believe there is a man born capable of such exploration.
Love conquers and heals. It terrifies and comforts. It's universal, yet deeply, deeply personal. It's a paradox worthy of the greatest mind, yet understood by an infant. Surely there is nothing greater in the whole of existence.
So why should a man dwell on the bile when he can seek after the transcendent? Why tell self indulgent stories of vice when the unexplored country lies beyond? While art is meant to show us who we are, perhaps the greatest art is meant to yearn after mankind's great potential. I, for one, prefer the latter.
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