Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. ~Mark Twain

24.9.11

A Proposal (Part 2)

As he started to speak the words caught in his throat, tripping over each other as they all tried to rush out at once. A millisecond of panic shot through him like a bolt as he thought back on all his scenarios, simultaneously recognizing that this had never happened in any of them. The word "Abort" flashed in front of his eyes as sirens blared. Adrenaline surged through his veins as his flight or flight instincts, born through millennia of his ancestors escaping danger, began to kick in. He could feel his muscles tensing up, coiling in anticipation. But then the moment passed. Moments always do. And as quickly as it had come his panic retreated away without him, giving way to his steely determination that had brought him to this point.

Teresa’s own mind was less calm about the flub. Outwardly she kept up appearances. Her smile remained glued in place, and tears continued to well in her eyes. But inwardly a small voice was objecting loudly. "NO! It’s not supposed to happen like this! It’s supposed to be perfect!" And she knew the voice was right. The man is not supposed to stumble over the words. Her pulse began to quicken as her fantasy of a perfect, dream proposal withered and died before her eyes. The objections were welling inside her, threatening to escape.

But then she looked into his eyes. The eyes that had always been there when she needed him. The eyes that had cried with her. The eyes that had shared in her joy. In his eyes she saw the love he had for her. Well, love with a little bit of fear. And for a moment, her heart was completely calm. "Hush now," she consoled the voice, "It is perfect."

To be continued...

23.9.11

A Proposal (Part 1)

Teresa knew where this was going. The candles? The rose petals? She wasn’t dumb. The truth is she had been wondering aloud to her friends when James would propose. It had been an incredible two years, but it was about time for them to move on to the next stage. So when he had mysteriously brought her to their favorite spot, here in the park where they shared their first date, she knew what to expect.

But even with all the anticipation and expectation, she wasn’t quite prepared for the way her heart jumped in her chest when she saw him kneel down in front of her. In fact, if her attention hadn’t been so singularly focused on the man before her, she very well may have fainted. She had waited for this moment her whole life.

While he never would have admitted it publicly, James had dreamt of this his whole life too. Always the hopeless romantic. Always the chivalrous gentlemen. James had run this scenario a thousand times in his head. A thousand, thousand times. And yet, even though it always ended with her saying the greatest word in the English language, he just couldn’t stop his hands from sweating now.

"This is such a vulnerable position", he thought, "I’ve never felt so exposed in my life." And that really was saying a lot considering his college fraternity’s propensity for streaking.

To be continued...

22.9.11

Non-News That's Good News

It's been a whirlwind 24ish hours for me here in L.A. But before I get ahead of myself, let's start at the beginning.

Many of you know that I applied to a number of TV writing fellowships at the end of May. I worked long and hard on a spec script of "Modern Family" and submitted it to Warner Bros., NBC and ABC. It was a long shot of a pipe dream, but it was good practice and I came out of it with a great writing sample at the very least.

Over the last couple weeks I heard back from (or didn't hear back from) the NBC and WB programs informing me that I had not been chosen as a semi-finalist. But as I said, the odds were always stacked against me and I didn't really have much hope of breaking through. The WB fellowship alone received over 1,700 entries. Of those 1,700 only 8 (4 comedy scripts, 4 drama scripts) are being chosen. For those keeping track at home, that means less than 0.5% of all applicants are chosen. With odds like that, I was hardly devastated. I know my script is solid and I don't need a lottery to tell me that.

Now only the ABC program remained. The creme de la creme. ABC is a full year long program (twice as long as WB and 4 times as long as NBC) that sets their participants up as "Program Writers" on actual working shows. Consequently, it's the only program that pays its writers. $50,000. Naturally their selection process is a little more involved than all the other programs... combined.

ABC was the only program to require, not one, but TWO letters of recommendation from "Industry Professionals". They require applicants that get through the initial round of eliminations to submit TWO additional writing samples (one pilot script and one miscellaneous script). They then narrow those down to the Semi-Finalists, who are run through a phone interview. From that interview, 30 Finalists are chosen to take part in a 3 day "gauntlet" of interviews. Day one is a mixer with all the finalists and various executives and producers. Day two is one-on-one interviews with program executives, the people running the program. Day three is a panel interview with program executives, shorunners and producers. From that, 8 writers/writing teams are selected (4 comedy, 4 drama again).

It sounds intense but remember; ABC is putting these rookies into their actual working writer's rooms. They will be participating in their shows. They need to be sure they're picking writers who are not only talented but good, personable and fun people too.

So why did I explain all this? Because yesterday evening, around 6:20 p.m. PST, the ABC Writer's Program emailed me to ask for additional writing samples.

Wow! That was exciting news... for about 15 seconds. If you'll recall I said that the program asks for two additional writing samples. A pilot, which I had. And a miscellaneous, which I did not. Not really. I had a couple scripts lying around but nothing newer than a year and a half old, and none that were comedic (as my spec and pilot were comedic, I figured it would be best to stay on that track). And the cherry on top? All additional materials were due by 4 p.m. this afternoon. Less than 24 hours after the email was sent.

What was I gonna do? My crappy older stuff wasn't ideal and was mostly in need of extensive rewriting to come close to an accurate representation of my current skill level. I didn't have time to fix those if I wanted to. I have been working on a drama pilot for a while but it's not even ready for me to write pages. Even if it were I didn't have time to write a 40-60 page drama script (something I've yet to even attempt).

I was desperate. All those hours on that script. Was it really gonna end this way? ABC wanted more of my material and I just didn't have any? No. I may very well not make it into the program, but I wasn't about to let THIS be the reason I don't get in.

It was clear what I had to do. I had to write something from scratch. I had about 18 hours until I had to have my materials in and I was gonna have something. Racking my brain I remembered a series of sketch ideas me and my roommate had been tossing around all week. We had just finished watching "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" and were toying with the idea of doing our own sketch comedy show to post online and maybe generate some exposure.

That was it! Sketch comedy shows have writer's rooms too! Sketches are legitimate television writing!

I quickly set to work on the sketches. Most of the ideas were nothing more than concepts or funny images that hadn't been flushed out into full sketches yet. But this wasn't pitch time, this was sink or swim time. So I plowed ahead and by 6 a.m. I had written 8 sketches totaling about 19 pages in length. I took a quick snooze while my mom and brother looked the pages over and gave me some feedback. When I woke up I got to work on making revisions, as well as signing and scanning the various release forms that needed to accompany my writing samples (I also had to fill out a form that included web addresses for my social networking presence; apparently they want to look over my facebook page).

In the end I got them all sent off with time to spare. Now I'm pretty much falling asleep at the keyboard but I wanted to let you all know about my exciting 24 hours. For those wondering; yes, I am actually quite happy with how the sketches turned out. I thought they were all funny and that's about all you can ask for in sketch writing. Beyond that, I think a collection of straight jokes will pair nicely with the more dramedy spec and pilot I submitted. And I think it may help me stand out as I doubt many others submitted a sketch packet as a writing sample. Under the circumstances, I don't see how it could have gone better.

It's also encouraging to know I'm capable of that kind of production in a very short time when pressed. It's a confidence that will come in handy when I'm actually a working staff writer someday and my livelihood depends on me writing 20 pages in a night.

Now, this is still non-news in the end. They're likely asking hundreds of people for additional materials. All it means is I made it past whatever initial screening processes they use to thin out the herd. But it's still good news. I'm not out. I'm a tiny step closer to a spot in the program. And I got two more strong writing samples into the judges hands, which can only be a good thing. Whatever happens next is out of my control, but at least I was able to pick myself up off the mat and stay in the game when I had to. Thanks be to God.

15.9.11

Never Say Die

Never say die. That's the motto these days. I had hoped that after I got back out here God would clear some things up for me. But that hasn't been in the cards for me so far. And now it's a game of endurance.

I recently retired from background acting. It was a difficult decision since I enjoyed it so much and it had been a good source of friends over the last year and a half since I'd started. The truth is I'd lost my heart for it. Also, if I'm honest, it hadn't been a reliable source of income for about 12 months. But mostly I was tired of being treated like cattle on sets. I was tired of being below the lowest wrung of production looking up. If I'm going to be getting up at 4 a.m. to work a 15 hour day, I want to actually matter to the production.

And so I'm back to pursuing work as a Production Assistant (PA). For those unfamiliar with the term, it's basically the equivalent of a run of the mill intern, but on sets and in production offices (and paid). We just do whatever menial task needs doing. Fetch lunches, make copies, hold traffic. You name it. It's tough to get a foothold without knowing someone but every short-term/one-day job I get builds my resume so I'm hopeful that one of these times I'll stick.

For the time being, I am in dire straights. My bank account has reached frighteningly small proportions while I wait on a check from my latest PA job. Supposedly it should be here in the next couple days. Supposedly. You see, to make matters more stressful, I have been having difficulties with my mail lately and the check I'm waiting for may not even make it to me on the first try. It could easily be another week or more before I see that money. So hooray!

Other than that, there's really not much going on in my life. I've barely left the apartment the last couple days. I can't really afford to do anything and even driving to free places costs me gas. So I've just been sitting here waiting for my check to come (so I can stop living like a hermit) and applying for jobs like a mad man.

It's amazing how exhausting that can be. I have to overcome so much pessimism now just to fill out an application. I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And it certainly feels like I'm insane. I fight off the questions (Am I doing something wrong?, Am I just unhirable?, etc.) and crippling self-doubt just so I can fill out another application that I'm either too qualified for or under-qualified for and send it off knowing I won't be hearing back from them either. Eventually you can't overcome that. You find that it's more appealing to waste your time on your own terms. Why fill out a resume that will go nowhere when I can watch another episode of 'Scrubs'? Well, bad example because watching 'Scrubs' is always preferable to doing anything else. But you know what I mean. When hope feels like a waste of time, the soul becomes heavy.

When I was in Minnesota earlier this year, God went out of his way to show me that I don't belong there anymore. As much as I might want to go home sometimes, I know that I can't be happy there for long. This is where I need to be. Which is helpful in a way because the boats were burned, so to speak, and there's nowhere to go anymore. Onward and upward. Once more into the breach. And so forth. I think that was His point. As if He was preparing me for this time. I don't have anywhere to go now so I have no choice but to endure and do whatever I have to in order to keep my head above water. Fight, scratch and claw. Make them drag you away kicking and screaming. How bad do I want it? I guess we're gonna find out.

Through it all, I ask "Why?". Not because I'm questioning God putting me through this as much as that I'm terrified I'm missing whatever lesson(s) I should be learning in these trials. I guess pray for that. I'd hate to go through all this and miss out on the chance to better myself.

25.8.11

Rediscovering Who I Am

When I was in high school, I was crazy about football. I worked out, either after or during school, every day for 4 years. I never missed a practice, I cut soda out of my diet and brought game film home to study. I even did three years of track and field, which in hindsight was a vastly superior experience for me, to stay in better shape for football in the fall.

And in the end, what did I have to show for all that passionate hard work and dedication? A handful of plays during garbage time as a senior (I didn't even make it on special teams) and a phone call from the Bethel coach telling me I couldn't play in college.

And so I cried. And it hurt. And I tried to move on from it with dignity. But along the way I learned a costly lesson; hard work doesn't matter.

I didn't learn it on purpose. I don't remember even consciously deciding that. But I'd poured my heart and soul into something and got burned. Bad. And even though my college experience was better for it, it was the beginning of a series of events that continued to cement that concept in my mind until it became something seated deep in my being.

So here I am, seven years removed from that crystallizing moment in my life. And I don't want it anymore. I'm out of shape, I can't get a job and I've never had a serious relationship. And I think it's because I'm still gun shy from what happened all those years ago.

Because I think that's the problem. I used to know how to give 110% and not take no for an answer. I used to know what it took to accomplish my goals. I don't feel that way anymore. But I want to.

Maybe it's just part of growing up that you get beat down and you start to give up on battles. You get tired and responsibilities start to weigh you down. You learn how to half-ass your way through anything. It's a well-trodden path to mediocrity and boredom. But I was never a quitter. And I was born stubborn. And maybe, just maybe, surrender isn't the only option after all.

I can get myself back. Or that part of myself at least, because that was something worth salvaging from those high school years. And I think if I can pull that bit out of the closet and dust it off, I may just make it in this town yet.

2.8.11

What I'll Be Watching

Here's my rundown of the new shows coming out in the next year for those of you looking for something new to watch. If you haven't heard of these, I encourage you to look into them for yourself.

1. The New Girl - Fox, Tuesdays at 9 - You had me at Zooey Deschanel. Sounds similar to TBS's "My Boys" but without the sports. And funny. It also looks like it has the heart that I look for in my sitcoms.

2. Awake - Midseason on NBC - Probably the most intruiging premise of any new show this season. The trailer looks incredible, but NBC has failed me in the past so I'm nervous.

3. Up All Night - NBC, Wednesdays at 8 - Christina Applegate and Will Arnett are always hilarious, and I don't think I've ever seen a half hour comedy that's shot like this.

4. More as the Story Develops - Spring on HBO - Aaron Sorkin's new show. Once again, he's tapping broadcast television. Once again, it's expected to be brilliant. But now he's on HBO where he can thrive.

5. Person of Interest - CBS, Thursdays at 9 - A collaboration between Jonathan Nolan and JJ Abrams? Frak me! Throw in Jim Caviziel as an ex-CIA vigilante and color me intrigued.

6. Smash - Midseason on NBC - High school melodrama turned me off to "Glee" but this is some meatier fare. It also has a whole "making it in showbiz" vibe that I can relate to well.

7. Alcatraz - Midseason on Fox - I don't consider myself a JJ Abrams fan, but his name still catches my eye. Prisoners disappear from Alcatraz and reappear 50 years in the future? Sounds like it's worth a look.

8. Terra Nova - Fox, Mondays at 8
- Freakin dinosaurs! You need more than that? This is one of, if not the most, ambitious shows of 2011. It should be worth checking out for the spectacle alone.

9. Hell on Wheels - Fall on AMC - Drama on AMC, what else needs to be said? Oh, AMC period piece? Sign me up! This show will keep me hooked on production value alone.

10. Pan Am - ABC, Sundays at 10 - While NBC is trying to hone in on the "Mad Men" cake with "The Playboy Club", "Pan Am" seems like it might actually hit the mark.

Honorable Mention:

Falling Skies - TNT, June 19th - This is a summer show so it doesn't qualify. Can this show coexist with Terra Nova? While the setup is different, the premise is still "Small colony of humans fight for survival and attempt to rebuild their society while something scary tries to pick them off".

Torchwood: Miracle Day - Starz, July 8th - Also a summer show, and not technically new. But I am very excited for this restart/continuation of the BBC's cult hit/Doctor Who spin-off.

Man Up - ABC, Tuesdays at 8:30 - The only decent looking comedy ABC has on tap this season. I'd be surprised if it lasts but Dan Fogler (star of Balls of Fury) looks very funny in this so I'll give it a shot.

I'll Disown You:
If I find out you're watching "Work It", you are dead to me. The fact that it was made is an indictment on ABC as a network, and television as a whole. Frankly, I'd rather watch an episode of "Jersey Shore".

28.7.11

Hebrews 10:24

I'm usually not one for the whole "translation #1 vs. translation #2" debate. Or worse the, "I like this version better" thing that people do these days. But this is one verse where I am going to make an exception.

This is Hebrews 10:24 in the New Living Translation:
"Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds."

I love that! First off, the "think of ways" immediately screams creativity to me and that's right down my alley. This seems like we're being encouraged to think outside the box. Don't just give someone a Hallmark card encouragement, think of something special. Something that will really encourage them personally, where they are at and with the challenges they are facing in their lives.

And encourage them to what? Outbursts of love and good deeds! I love that even more. Outbursts of love? Awesome. Encourage people to the point that they are just bursting at the seams with love and good will towards their fellow man. I think that's an incredible image. So powerful. So enthusiastic. We should always love in outbursts. Humans are drawn to people that love like that. But to encourage people in such a way that they go on to love like that? That's even more challenging. An outburst. You literally can't restrain yourself from loving that person. Wow.

Websters defines "outburst" as "a violent expression of feeling". And before you get the wrong image, "violent" is defined as "marked by extreme force or sudden intense activity". So keep your negative connotations to yourself on that one. Violent doesn't have to be harmful or painful, just sudden and intense.

But back to the translation thing, and why I'm on this verse tonight. The NIV has this:

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

Not bad. Definitely more cerebral and probably more technically accurate to the words used. But the NLT isn't about word for word translation, it's about capturing the essence and meaning of a passage. Which is why I find this difference of translation so interesting. Because in this case, the essence is definitely the more potent expression of the message. In fact, I know that I've read it before in the NIV but it wasn't until I stumbled across it tonight that it actually took root.

So go and try to live this verse in your life. It's one of my favorites now.

p.s. I will be posting an update about my time in Haiti soon, so stay tuned for that. Frankly, even though I've been back a week, I've only just begun to process what that trip means for my life.