Trials

"There's nothing written in the Bible, Old or New Testament, that says 'If you believe in Me, you ain't going to have no troubles'" -Ray Charles

Well this has been a difficult week as all the weight of the last couple months has come down on my soul. I've been surviving lately but it has been rough. I've only gotten 7 days of extra work since Huge wrapped on July 16th. That means I worked more in those 2+ weeks at the beginning of July than I have since then.

I feel adrift sometimes. I don't know what to do. On one hand, things are really slow. But on the other hand, there are dozens of shows shooting right now and things could turn around in an instance. So I endure. I put my head down and endure.

But that's not good enough. So much of this is out of my hands but the feeling of helplessness doesn't work for me. I'm not about to sit here and say, "Well, hope something works out before I'm completely broke." That attitude makes me lazy. That attitude makes me weak. And that attitude is going to end this adventure if I let it. I am going to start trying to be more proactive.

Up til now I've kind of sat back and let my calling service book me. It's worked more or less, but the last couple months it has most definitely not worked. Not at all. I don't need much, just a couple days of work each week. How many people can subside on 2-3 days of work/week? But they are dropping the ball and I am done. If they can't do it, I will.

I've heard it said that God puts barriers in our way to see how much we want something. I think he puts barriers in our way so WE can see how much we want something. What I want is to stay in Hollywood. And I'm not going to fail.

There, now that we have that out of the way, I can tell you a little more about what's up. I just got home from 10 days at home. I got to see my brother play football, I got to watch the Gophers try to play football and I got to see and do most everything I had hoped. I have plans to edit together a little video about my trip and the surprising of my brother and sister (who did not know I was coming) and I will have that up here just as soon as I get my camera cord mailed back to me (apparently getting my camera cord back into my bag before I left was NOT on my to do list).

But yea, this has been a tough week overall. Not only am I not catching any breaks, it seems like all my friends are. So many of my friends from Huge got booked this week (and on union work no less) and one of my LAFSC friends got a huge promotion. It's great for them and I'm really happy for them. Really I am. But at the same time there is this little voice in the back of my head that says "What about me? Where's my good fortune?" and it ruins it. Why can't I be purely happy for someone with no other thoughts just because I'm going through a rough time? I feel like a bad friend and it makes me feel worse.

This post is kind of bi-polar but that's good because I kind of feel that way right now. I bounce between cautious hope and optimism and mild depression several times a day right now. I feel like even a single day of work could boost my spirits (I haven't had a day of extra work since August 29th) and maybe break me out of this funk, but who knows.

I keep focusing on Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

I always come back to this. God brought me out here, He will provide for me. It's somewhat comforting but it doesn't make it any easier. Keep me in your prayers.

Not much, How about you?

Time for a (hopefully) quick update.

Let's see. "Huge" has been going well. By which I mean that the ratings and reviews are still positive and the future of that worksource looks strong. Still no definitive restart date for shooting the next batch but hopefully sooner than later. The money is great and it's the closest thing I have to job security at this point. So keep watching (and enjoying) "Huge", Monday nights on ABC Family. You can also, of course, find it here. Episodes #1-3 and #7 (the most recent one) are all posted and available to watch. Keep an eye out for me getting some screen time towards the end of episode 7.

Hmm, what else. I've finally been working for the first time since Huge wrapped. I worked 2 days last week on the new "Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior". It's a pilot for the spinoff series and stars Forest Whitaker and Janeane Garofalo. I was a student at a local high school that was the target of a bombing. They were pretty exhausting days (almost 30 hours on the clock between the 2 days) but it felt good to be working again, and I met some cool people.

This week I worked on "Chuck". It was my first time working on the Warner Bros. lot, though I have been on the lot several times before and it is easily the lot I am most familiar with. I was a fanboy who camped outside the Buy More waiting for a Call of Duty type game release. I was chosen (apparently at random) to get my face painted with camo paint, while others got to dress up in full army fatigues and gear. Needless to say, when the game doesn't show, things take a turn...

It was a good time, even if it was non-union work (as was CM:SB) and didn't pay the best as a result (though the $50 I got for the facepaint was a nice unexpected bonus). So far, I have not often gotten to work on shows that I have watched and enjoyed, or that my family watches regularly, so being on "Chuck" was a fun experience for that alone. I got to cross Adam Baldwin off my "Firefly" list (he joins Nathan Fillion and Gina Torres as main "Firefly" cast members I've seen on sets). I also got to see former WWE stars "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Stacy Keibler who were guest starring on the show this week, so the inner middle schooler in me got a nice treat with that. Overall, Chuck was a great set to work on and I hope I can go back in the near future. The 2nd 2nd AD (the guy in charge of extras, and no that's not a typo) said that he would keep me in mind for future calls after a mistake on their side of things led to lots of confusion and inconvenience for me at this morning's call (basically they forgot to tell Central Casting that they wanted me back so getting onto the lot and getting my voucher became grand adventures).

In other news, I've started writing again. I don't think I've written much, if anything on here, about my struggles with my creative side over the last several months. I've only told a few people about it. The fact is I've been in a sort of writing purgatory since the sudden death of my friend Heidi Firkus back at the end of April. My sudden writing ineptitude was especially difficult for me to deal with because I had been really rolling with my writing right before that tragic day sent me through an emotional blindside. I was constantly questioning my griefs effect on me, and whether it was really just me being a lazy writer. Slowly over the last 30 or so days though, I've started to see flashes here and there of my old self. And while I'm not 100% sure I'm totally out of this funk, I think I'm close and I've gotten to a point where I can write again. My sitcom is progressing for the first time in months and I'm hoping to finish my first draft of the pilot by the end of the month. I'll keep you appraised of the situation as it continues to progress.

I think that's good enough for now, hope you enjoyed that.

I Have a Note...

Sorry for not updating for a while but I have a good excuse. I've been working a lot (5 days last week) and it has been very life consuming. After a long day on set and a long commute home, I rarely want to do anything productive with the couple hours I have before I need to be in bed. Often I will just eat some dinner, watch some TV and go to bed. Occasionally I will do some email and facebook type stuff, or check some scores. All that is to say, sorry I haven't updated for a while.

The big news around here this week is that Huge has wrapped for the season. Our last day of shooting was last Friday, and it was an emotional time for many people (they gave us buttons!). But through it all, the sense is that we will be back at it very soon. It's up to the ratings and ABC Family, but we're hoping to be back shooting again within the next two months. It could also be as much as 5 or 6 months though so keep watching and keep those ratings up!

That piece of news kind of leads me into my second piece of news. I have officially paid off my remaining AFTRA dues and am now Exhibit A eligible. For those not "down with the lingo" (that's "familiar with slang" for those of you REALLY not acquainted with common vernacular) Exhibit A shows are basically all the major network shows. The payment plan I used to pay for AFTRA was great for working Huge (an Exhibit B show) but now that the show is wrapped, it's important that I have Exhibit A eligibility. Otherwise, I would be ineligible for Exhibit A and Non-Union work, which would kind of defeat the purpose of joining in the first place.

So yay for me!

Anyways, I find myself kind of floating adrift at the moment. I'm really not sure what the future holds now that Huge is on break. I have a decent amount of money saved up that should help for a while, but I'm far from financially secure at this point. I'm confident I can continue doing background work but there is always the possibility I will need to seek out more reliable/suckier employment. Prayer, as always, would be appreciated.

God has been good to me and has guided me this far. This month marked my 6 month anniversary of living in Los Angeles post-LAFSC. And I am now just a little over a month away from my one year anniversary of the day I first arrived in LA for LAFSC. It's astonishing to me that it's been that long already. And a little scary. In some ways I grow more comfortable all the time, while still struggling with homesickness occasionally. Just the other day I found myself craving half a dozen restaurants that are not available out here, which was quite frustrating.

My dad and my brother Jordan are still in Haiti so keep them in your prayers. I guess they get back tomorrow but I haven't heard anything from them in about 2 weeks that they've been gone.

Well that's about all for now, I'm starting to feel like I'm rambling a little. But before I go; for those that haven't seen Inception yet, you should go see it because it is awesome. And for those that have, you should go again because it helps make things clearer. I have seen it twice and plan to see it at least once more before it leaves the theaters (and enters my DVD collection).

For Those of You Counting at Home

Hey everyone. Told you I'd try to be better at this.

In case you somehow didn't hear, Monday night was the premier episode of "Huge" on ABC Family. It had a great premier. Its numbers scored the highest for women 18-49 the network has ever had for a series premier. Overall, it scored 1.2 million viewers 18-49 which is the second best premier the network has had (first being "Secret Life..." two years ago). That is great news and everyone who works on the show was excited about the premier's success. But stay tuned because the show does get much better as it goes.

I also know a lot of you were anxiously searching for me in the premier episode as well. For anyone out there that had difficulty spotting me in this week's premier episode of "Huge", I have decided to help you out. As I was actually there the days we were shooting, I have a pretty good sense of what scenes I was there for.

So here is a breakdown of where you can find me in episode one, "Hello, I Must Be Going" (now available on ABC Family.com, Hulu and free on iTunes). Please note, this is not a comprehensive look at every shot I'm in, just every scene and where I am in the scene:


Opening shot of the show. If you tuned in late, you probably missed it but this was easily the clearest you could see me. Keep an eye out for that swimsuit the rest of the weigh in scene as well, because I pop up in the background a couple more times.


Like here...


And here....


And here for instance.


I also show up briefly during Shay's introduction, aka: That Scary, Freakishly Skinny Chick.


Look for me in the first cafeteria scene. I'm basically over Amber's shoulder the whole time, but this picture gives a good sense of my location in the scene.


There is a brief shot of me and some guys jogging right between the montage of Will dealing sweets and the sharing circle scene.


And finally, you can look for me in the obstacle course scene. I am right between several main characters in the line.


I had hoped you could see me better in this scene but oh well.


And there you have it. Now go find me and tell all your friends to watch the show. This shows success can trickle down to me so keep on watching!


*Images are property of ABC Family. They are being used for educational purposes.

I Really Need to Stop Doing This...

I apologize to family and friends and any random people that happen upon this blog by accident (the support group meets across the hall now, sorry for the mix up). I really have no excuse for not updating this time. I should really make this more of a priority, or at the very least set a regular date to update.

But no use in dwelling on the past. I'm here and now and excited to update you all on where my life is right now.

First off, my new roommates. They are named Jared and Kyle and are both recent Biola grads (my other roommate is named Brian and is also a Biola alum in case you didn't remember/know). Jared shares a room with me and Kyle splits with Brian. Moving them both in was a lot of work. Lots of cleaning, lots of moving furniture around and just lots of change in general. We're settled in now, more or less, and things have been pretty smooth. Jared and Kyle are both younger and so that's a little bit of an adventure for me and Brian who are a bit more established. They're both looking for work so they mostly are going through what my first two months here were like.











Oh, except they both have connections with Biola friends still in La Mirada, so they are down their quite a bit still. Letting go of college is never easy.

Now for the real newsy type news. I'll start from the beginning. You may recall several posts ago (it should be just a bit down the page if you forgot) that I detailed that I had gotten a job as a regular extra on a new ABC Family show called "Huge". I suggested that I could be getting 2-5 days a week on the show, but I never really followed up with it.

Well, let's just say 2-5 was a bit of wishful thinking. It turned out to be more like 1-2. To further complicate things for me, "Huge" is an AFTRA show, (for those that don't know, AFTRA is one of two major unions for actors) which means they only pay AFTRA contracts. In order to receive these AFTRA contracts, I had to either join AFTRA or register as AFTRA willing, which meant that I could work AFTRA contracts for 30 days. However, after 30 days, my status would switch over to "must join" and I would not be able to work any AFTRA contracts for any shows.

For anyone that had trouble following that last part, this is where it gets simple. My 30 days were up and I had to make a choice. Join AFTRA and keep working on "Huge" or don't join and be unemployed for the month of June and watch my money disappear from under me throughout the month (May and June are known as "Hiatus" where there are virtually no movies and only a handful of scripted shows filming, in short the industry shuts down and work is impossible to find). Sounds like an easy choice...until I mention that joining AFTRA costs $1,663. For those counting at home, that's nearly 4 months of rent for me. Yea. There is a payment plan option, but it was not much better in my mind (half up front and the rest split up over the next three months).

After agonizing over the decision for several days, I decided to pass. The finances were just too unstable. I hadn't been getting booked much during the first 2 months of filming and I would need to cover my expenses, plus an extra $280 a month for the next three months as well.

I spent the next week watching the entirety of the new "Dr. Who" reboot series (about 60 episodes). Turns out it is a really amazing show and, while I can't in good conscience recommend that method of watching to anyone, I enjoyed myself. Or something. I kind of lost myself in that week, as anyone that has ever attempted anything like it can attest. By the time I was done, it was a couple days before I could think my own thoughts again. That said, I highly recommend the show if anyone is looking for something to Netflix.



But I digress. After that marathon viewing period, and a couple days of recovery, I got to where the rubber hit the road. As a "writer" trying to make it in Hollywood, this seemed like a perfect opportunity to get some writing done with nothing else to do. The problem was, I don't write well when I'm stressed out. And I get stressed out when I am not working and slowly draining the few remaining dollars from my account. Then I would get stressed out that I wasn't writing when I thought I should be. Which would make me depressed that I couldn't write and...you kind of start to see the spiral forming here. This was two days. I was so stressed out and depressed during this time that I actually lost my appetite (which was good because oddly enough there was nothing that caused more anxiety than spending money on food).

In short, it was no way to live. I was wallowing in despair after just a few days of this. The thought of 2-4 more weeks of it was overwhelming.

So it was decided. After discussing it at length with numerous people, I saw there was only one option. If I was going to go down as an extra, I would go down swinging. I joined AFTRA. I immediately felt peace from the decision, which helped convince me it was the right one. But the right choice doesn't necessarily mean that I come out of it standing on two feet, so I was understandably scared.

Then I got booked. Then I got booked again. And again. And again. First week back (last week), I had worked four days and gotten paid for five (it's complicated). And then again. Three more days this week. In these two weeks, I have worked more than I did the entire rest of the series combined. I have made about $1,000. And I'm working again on Monday.


The show has lots of "regulars" but only about 10-15 that are called almost every day. With 14 days of shooting left (about the next three weeks), I seem to have cemented myself as one of the chosen ones. Somehow, joining AFTRA catapulted me into that group (over several people that had already joined AFTRA before me). Whatever the reason, I am grateful for every day I get booked and don't take a single one for granted. I know it could all disappear in an instant.

And this is the beginning of the interactive part of the blog. You can actually help me pay my bills in a way that doesn't involve you sending me checks (though I wouldn't be opposed to the idea). "Huge" premiers this Monday at 9/8c on ABC Family. It is just a 10 episode run, with the remaining episodes in the season scheduled to be shot in November. But if the show does well enough in the ratings, the show will rush back into production in August. I would prefer the latter. While work is supposed to be picking up over the next month as movies enter production and fall TV shows start back up, the security in "Huge" is much higher than anything else I am likely to find. So watch it! It will be on Hulu for those that don't have cable TV (and yes, they look at those numbers too).


And who knows, you might actually like it. The show was created by Winnie Holzman, who also created the Emmy nominated "My So-Called Life" and was nominated for a Tony for her role in the creation of the Broadway hit "Wicked" (as well as being a staff writer on about half a dozen television shows). It stars Nikki Blonsky (from "Hairspray") and Gina Torres (who played Zoe on the ill-fated/brilliant Joss Whedon series "Firefly" and it's accompanying movie "Serenity). And if it doesn't grab you right away, give it some time. It takes until about the 3rd or 4th episode to find it's stride.

Here's a few reviews for anyone looking to learn more:
http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117943051.html?categoryId=32&ref=verttv&cs=1
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/jun/24/huge-difference/

Apologies

I apologize, I really did mean to keep this updated better. But this time I have a legitimate excuse. My computer's hard drive is failing and it won't start. So I can only get online for brief periods of borrowed time with my roommates computers until it is fixed. Hopefully I can have it fixed within the next week, we will see.

Lazy Sunday = Time to Update

First off, I want to apologize for my inconsistent blogging habits. It keeps slipping my mind because I don't see the events in my life as terribly significant or exciting. I will be doing my best to improve my writing habits from now on. I know, you've heard that before, but things have been moving quickly for a while that are now settling back into place.

So where to begin. About a month ago I was really doing well. I was coming off a week where I had gotten 4 days of extra work and had made some great progress on the pilot for a show I am writing. But that all came to a screeching halt on April 25th when I received a call that tragedy had struck back home. Two married friends of mine were involved in an incident that left one dead and the other injured.

It was a difficult week. Being so far away was difficult, but I was not alone out here in LA. Many Calvary people were struggling with similar feelings of isolation and that made my grief a little more tolerable (though I was surprised at the effect it had on me). But as the week went on, and the date of the funeral approached, I began to feel very alone. One by one, my support system of Californians was making their way back east for the funeral. With a trip scheduled for my brother's graduation the following weekend, it was impractical for me to come home and certainly out of my price range.

Then God blessed me. After talking with a friend about what I was going through and how hard it was becoming to be stuck out here, he called me back with an offer. "If we could get you home tomorrow, would you want to come?" I was stunned. He said that some people had anonymously arranged to buy me a plane ticket to get me home for the weekend. And less than 12 hours later, I was on my way to Minneapolis.

The funeral was everything I needed. With an estimated attendance of 1,500 people, there were good friends and old friends, from near and far. I was able to process, and mourn in a way that would have been impossible had I not been back. I will always be thankful to the donors that made it possible, even if I may never know for sure who was involved.

Then came an interesting couple of days. I returned Monday evening, following the Friday funeral. That coming Friday, I would be on my way back to the midwest for Andrew's graduation at Wheaton. I managed to get one day of work on Wednesday, but not doing extra work.

I spent that day helping my friend, and LAFSC Resident Director, Sarah Duff clear out the apartments from this spring's semester. It was a lot of fun because I had hardly seen her since I moved here in January. We also had Rachel, who is the friend that set me up with my current apartment and babysat my car, helping and a guy named Justin who I had not met before. We worked hard but I had a lot of fun. My social life is not anything to write home about (though, ironically, that is what I am literally doing right now) so even a day loading and unloading heavy boxes counts as a great day hanging out in my mind. Honestly, I would have done it for free (though the money was certainly quite nice).

Then came a nice, relatively relaxing week and a half at home with my family. Andrew successfully graduated from Wheaton College so "Yay" for him. It was fun to see Wheaton one last time, as I don't know when I will have cause to go there again.

While I was home I got to see lots of friends and family. I got to play broomball with a bunch of Bethel Royal alums and current players...for 2 1/2 hours. I got to see the Twins beat the White Sox at the BEAUTIFUL Target Field. Andrew and I had a great time, even if it was a bit chilly. Got to see Charissa's band concert. Got a new phone and a new bank. Got a hair cut. The only real downside of the trip, besides that you can never really see enough of loved ones in such a short time, was that my softball game was rained out. I had been hoping to make a guest appearance with the Calvary Stars while I was back but it was not to be. I'll just have to keep looking for a team around here I guess (I miss sports, I have not had much opportunity to play much of anything here, despite the great weather).

Well that more or less brings you up to date. I arrived in Burbank on Tuesday evening and spent the next two days on set at Huge. So after those early/long days I've spent the last two days relaxing and recovering from lots of flying and visiting. I'm starting to feel settled here again.

New roommates soon. Update coming then.