Exciting News

It is with great excitement that I now write to tell you all about an opportunity that has arisen during my time here in Minnesota. My church is sending a team to do ministry in Haiti July 8th-20th. A team member pulled out suddenly a week ago and I felt God calling me to go. So after a little logistics work, we were able to switch some tickets around and extend my stay to accommodate the trip dates. As I embark on this adventure, I am confident this is the path God wants me on.

As many of you know, Haiti was devastated by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake in January of 2010 that left an estimated 316,000 people dead, 300,000 injured and 1,000,000 newly homeless. This quake was made even more devastating by the fact that Haiti had already ranked as the poorest country in Western Hemisphere. Poor government infrastructure, corruption and foreign bureaucracy have significantly slowed relief efforts (on the one year anniversary of the quake it was estimated that only 5% of the rubble had been cleared). Needless to say, the rebuilding process has barely begun.

We hope to make a significant, if small, dent. We will be building two new homes, as well as ministering at an orphanage and an AIDS hospice. Additionally, we will be hosting a three day Pastor's Conference (lead by our own church's senior pastor) to help provide area pastors with vital theological teaching. Attendance is expected to be upwards of 300, with pastors coming from all over the country to learn how they can better teach their congregations.

For me, the decision to go was not an easy one and is requiring no small amount of faith on my part. At a time when I have been struggling to pay my rent I now need to raise $1,900 to cover the trip expenses. God is good and I have already raised $500 but there's a long way still to go. If you feel lead to contribute financially, you can send donations to: 783 Cannon Ave Shoreview MN, 55126
Checks should be made out to Calvary Church. No amount is too small and I greatly appreciate any help you can offer. Any money I raise above and beyond my obligation will be put towards purchasing further supplies to help aid the people of Haiti.

But beyond financial needs, the team will need a lot of support in prayer. Specifically for the team, please pray for health and safety for our team, for effective ministry to the sick and dying, for spiritual strength in a country where (according to the CIA) 50% of the population practices Voodoo. For me, pray for my fund raising efforts, that I will be able to integrate well into a team that has been preparing together for months already, for adaptability as my California acclimated body will now be subject to severe heat and humidity, for emotional strength to lead teenage kids in a very challenging environment.

At a Crossroads

I grew up being told to pray to God for guidance or for things we want. Sometimes He'd say "Yes", sometimes "Maybe". Sometimes He'd say "No". But what happens when God says "Choose"?

I'm sitting at a bit of crossroads right now. There are certainly risks and rewards to be had on either side; pros and cons aplenty. One road brings me back to Los Angeles during the height of hiring season, the other brings me guaranteed money (enough to make it through the rest of 2011) and no long term employment. Of course, there is no guarantee of employment on the first road. But there is certainly less chance of employment on the second one.

I now must choose if I want to work, isolated and alone in Canada, for 7 weeks of my summer or if I want to dive face first into the LA job market at the beginning of July. And the trick is I feel strongly that God is saying, choose and I will bless you either way.

Now those that know me well know that decisions are not my strong point. I'm great at seeing all sides of a problem, but that vision cripples me at decision time. I know EXACTLY what I'm missing out on with my decision.

In the past God's path for me has always been quite clear. From my decision to attend Bethel to my journey to Los Angeles, it's always been easy for me to know what to do with big decisions. And maybe that will come in time. But right now, it's like staring into a mist.

Two paths diverge. Which is the one less traveled Mr. Frost?

Update Time

It seems to me that I have not updated this site with my own goings on for quite some time. And while I'm sure you enjoyed some of my prose and musings, I imagine some of you are here for raw, pure information straight from the source. So let's get to it shall we?

I have spent the better part of the last two months slaving away on a Modern Family Spec script. The script is for submission to 3 different programs; NBC's Writer's on the Verge, WB Writer's Workshop and the coveted ABC/Disney Writer's Program. Each one receives about 1,500 submissions each year, and they then choose 10 for admittance into their respective program. So yea, it's a long shot to the tune of 0.6%. But as a famous Corellian once said, "Never tell me the odds!".

That said, if all I get out of this experience is a solid spec script, I can't really complain. I went into this knowing it was a long shot, but adding a new script to my portfolio is always a plus.

It's also been a huge opportunity for God to bless me. See, the ABC/Disney fellowship requires two letters of recommendation from "Industry Professionals" who can comment on my potential as a television writer. It may seem like a tall order for someone just starting out like me (and it is), but it's justified. You see, the Disney Program is the only writer's program that pays it's participants $50,000 a year. Yes, you read that right. The others just offer good experience, this one actually pays. And for a single guy sharing an apartment, $50,000 would go a long ways. But I digress.

So the application process was going pretty smoothly overall, but the letters of recommendation were becoming a major source of stress the last couple weeks. One by one I was turned down by my limited resources. LAFSC professors were either uninterested or "too busy". Unfortunately for me, most of my connections I've made out here (and there are a lot of them) have been relatively lateral career-wise. That means that while I know plenty of aspiring "Industry Professionals" I know very few in a position to comment on my potential as a TV writer. Actually, to be more precise, I know exactly two.

Last year my friend Tim worked on a movie filming in Minnesota. While on set, he managed to make friends with the writers/director of the movie, sisters named Jill and Karen Sprecher. They had co-written the movie and Jill was directing it. And it wasn't their rodeo either. In fact, Jill and Karen had both been on staff for the 2006 season of the HBO show "Big Love".

Kind of ironic that Tim had met such accomplished individuals in Minnesota while I floundered away out here. So naturally, when Tim came to visit me in late March last year, he managed to introduce me to his new friends. In fact, we met at Easter brunch at Marie Callender's. Quite a conspicuous way to meet someone huh?

After Tim left, I kept up my contact with them via email, periodically asking for updates on their lives and offering them updates on mine. They were working on several paid writing assignments so their updates were usually more interesting than mine. It also meant they were so busy that, even with Tim visiting three more times in the past year, we never were able to meet up again.

But I kept at it, even when replys from them were few and far between. Eventually these contests came around and I, feeling much more bright and optimistic at the time than I have the last week or so, shot off a "why not?" email to them asking if they'd consider writing my recommendation letters. I didn't even expect a response as I hadn't heard anything from them in over five months.

But wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, they responded. In the face of mounting failure and disappointment, they came through when I needed it most. God's role in this is clear from my perspective and I am thankful for his providence here in the midst of hard times. While I doubt they will read this post, I also can't express my gratitude enough to the Sprecher sisters. If I get this fellowship I'm totally taking them out for a fancy dinner (I was thinking Chuck E Cheese or something).

Other than that, there hasn't been a lot going on. I'll be going home for most of the month of June (5th-30th), so anyone that reads this in that state (probably all of you) and wants to see me, there's your window. It's unlikely I'll be home again before Christmas so make the most of it! I, for one, am really looking forward to seeing my family again. Jordan is graduating from Mounds View the day after my flight gets in so that is exciting! With a little luck I might even get to see him compete in one last track meet.

I'll also be going to Pelican Rapids again for my 11th trip so that will be exciting after missing last year. But right now, all I can think about is how close I am to being completely finished with these applications and how happy I'll be when they are finally off my plate. I've had these three on my radar for over six months.

Til next time!

NBC's fall lineup = Everyone else's hits

Anyone else think that NBC is just trying to make their own versions of hit shows? Maybe it will work, but if you're just copying the best, you'll never be number 1. Though I suppose NBC would settle for not being last at this point.

On the plus side, it makes it easy to decide which "new" shows to watch when you can just match them to the shows you already watch. You can check out trailers here.

My theory:

Grimm = Supernatural

Same timeslot even, subtle. Throw in Fringe in the same timeslot too, and it's hard to see how this show can carve out any kind of niche of it's own. They're behind the eight ball on this one.

The Playboy Club = Mad Men

This could work since it seems to be more low brow than Mad Men, which is good since it's on NBC. Even has a little gangster action thrown in for good measure. May be the most likely to succeed in their new fall lineup.

Up All Night = Raising Hope

Different setup but the whole "raising a baby when we're horribly underqualified" thing is still there. I love Christina Applegate and Will Arnett though so kind of hope this is good still. Not getting my hopes up though.

Smash = Glee

Well, Glee for adults. Adult drama replaces high school drama and there's lots of song and dance. Looks promising actually, but is slated for midseason.

Prime Suspect = Literally a remake of a UK show

Could be ok. But don't see how Maria Bello can fill the shoes of Helen Mirren. Was probably more relevant in 1991 as well.

Awake = Journeyman?

This one looks really, really, really interesting. Admittedly this is a unique version of a familiar story (that has rarely succeeded in the past) but the trailer is by far the most interesting of any I've watched (for any network). The tone feels like nothing else on TV. That said, I have every faith that NBC will screw it up.

*Obviously none of these shows are carbon copies but they are all too close for comfort to me.

P.S. Whoever approved ABC's "Work It" should be shot. I can't believe that was actually produced much less green lit. Then again, this is the same network that green lit a show based on the Geico Cavemen so I guess I shouldn't be surprised...

Some Nihilist Prose

I am a bullet. I rip through you with no regard for the damage I've done. I barely slow down on my way out. Why should I be bothered? There is no future for me. If I slow down I will die. And I will slow down. It's just physics. So this is all there is for me in the end; do as much damage as I can and take something out with me. Get out of my way if you can.

And what? You want me to feel remorse for what I've done? I was always headed for this moment. I was created for it even. To live a brilliant flash of a life, gone faster than the blink of an eye, but with more excitement than most people experience in a lifetime.

But I still love. I still feel. You could say I'm having a bit of an existential breakdown here in my brief moment of glory. I think of the ones I left behind. I think of how little lies ahead. I speed on to oblivion but, even now, I feel my rotation begin to slow. My trajectory starts to fail and I am in free fall. What kind of legacy am I leaving behind? Who will remember me when I'm gone? Just the ones that I hurt as I flew by them. Isn't that how it goes though? The ones that remember you the most when you're gone are the ones you left scarred.

And now there is this. I am a bullet. But I am also a man. Get out of my way if you can.

*disclaimer* This was inspired by Showtime's "Californication". It does not reflect my own feelings on the world but I just finished watching the series and felt I needed to get this out.

No Matter Where I Start, I Always End Up in the Same Place

Fatigue sets in at the most unexpected times. Sitting at my computer, laying on the couch...driving down the freeway. But almost never when my head hits the pillow of my bed. Truth is I've always struggled to find sleep when I go looking for it. Why is that? Perhaps it is symbolic though. Often the things we seek most in life elude us. And it is not for it's elusiveness but for the fervency of our seeking.

I've heard it said many times that love comes when you least expect it. And though it's bordering on cliche (the analogy of holding a butterfly in your hand comes immediately to mind, followed shortly by my dinner to my throat), I have actually observed the phenomenon on many occasions. But if this is true, it's just another example. When we seek after love it eludes us until we cease giving chase. Like dealing with a frightened animal, we must calm our spirits and allow the quarry to come to us (love is the animal, not women).

But why? Why is it that the things we seek are nearly impossible to grasp until we stop reaching for them? Sometimes it's simple. In sleeping, my concentration and single-mindedness keeps my mind focused. Focused on a single thought my mind is unable to let go. It's not until I stop trying to sleep that I finally find it. Love on the other hand is more complicated. A lot more complicated and surely, as one who has yet to experience romantic love, beyond my abilites to relate. But I shall try nonetheless.

Whether you believe in it or not, let's suppose for this discussion that there is such a thing as destiny. Destiny that says, "In my life I am destined to find a single person to love for the rest of my life, and who will love me in kind". We desire this notion and, as with most things man desires, we set out to acquire it. But the pursuit of this person makes me do, say and be things that are not right. That are not true. That are not me. Perhaps God, or fate, or the cosmos or whatever/whoever is behind the notion of destiny, works the timing of these events so that we encounter (or meet for the first time) the perfect person for us just as we have let go of the pursuit and can no longer be run by our neuroses and insecurities.

Many who seek love fancy themselves chefs. They follow recipes and study all the books so they can learn how to prepare their own slice of love, soaked in their marinades and spices to become what they want it to be. But those who have loved for a lifetime know that love does not marinate. It can not be cooked or prepared. No, rather it is the marinade. And we marinate in it. It soaks into us and changes us to the core in irreversible ways. It changes our flavor. But only when the timing is right and when the chef says we're ready.

My Thoughts "In the Middle of the Night"

When people tell you you're not good enough for long enough you start to believe them. I can't write, I can't do good work, I'm not attractive, I'm not smart. Sometimes it's like my mind is a fortress and these doubts are clamoring at the gates. When enough of them line up they can break down the doors and run roughshod around my mind. Sometimes the citizens of my own mind turn against me and join the intruders. My spirit, my heart, my soul, whatever you want to call it, is the besieged king holed up in the deepest tower. He has a single window that shines rays of hope and beauty occasionally into his world (art, friendship, etc.) but his surroundings are an ever constant reminder that his own citizens have begun to turn against him. Can anyone save him? Or does this revolution just need to be weathered like every passing storm? Alas that I am not alone in these troubles. And they will surely be forgotten as wartime in peace when the veil is lifted again. But they are worth noting and I do so here (though the hour is late). The better to defense myself in the future.

I haven't been writing enough. Writing is therapeutic and relieves my wearied mind. It puts my thoughts in order and gives me a full view of the battlefield formerly obscured by smoke. Writing is good. I think I have a tendency to put far too much pressure on my writing to be good and meaningful and noteworthy when really all it has to be is there. It doesn't have to be a script. It doesn't have to be a blog or news article. It just has to be. Writing isn't relevant on purpose. I'm going to start writing more.