Rediscovering Who I Am

When I was in high school, I was crazy about football. I worked out, either after or during school, every day for 4 years. I never missed a practice, I cut soda out of my diet and brought game film home to study. I even did three years of track and field, which in hindsight was a vastly superior experience for me, to stay in better shape for football in the fall.

And in the end, what did I have to show for all that passionate hard work and dedication? A handful of plays during garbage time as a senior (I didn't even make it on special teams) and a phone call from the Bethel coach telling me I couldn't play in college.

And so I cried. And it hurt. And I tried to move on from it with dignity. But along the way I learned a costly lesson; hard work doesn't matter.

I didn't learn it on purpose. I don't remember even consciously deciding that. But I'd poured my heart and soul into something and got burned. Bad. And even though my college experience was better for it, it was the beginning of a series of events that continued to cement that concept in my mind until it became something seated deep in my being.

So here I am, seven years removed from that crystallizing moment in my life. And I don't want it anymore. I'm out of shape, I can't get a job and I've never had a serious relationship. And I think it's because I'm still gun shy from what happened all those years ago.

Because I think that's the problem. I used to know how to give 110% and not take no for an answer. I used to know what it took to accomplish my goals. I don't feel that way anymore. But I want to.

Maybe it's just part of growing up that you get beat down and you start to give up on battles. You get tired and responsibilities start to weigh you down. You learn how to half-ass your way through anything. It's a well-trodden path to mediocrity and boredom. But I was never a quitter. And I was born stubborn. And maybe, just maybe, surrender isn't the only option after all.

I can get myself back. Or that part of myself at least, because that was something worth salvaging from those high school years. And I think if I can pull that bit out of the closet and dust it off, I may just make it in this town yet.

What I'll Be Watching

Here's my rundown of the new shows coming out in the next year for those of you looking for something new to watch. If you haven't heard of these, I encourage you to look into them for yourself.

1. The New Girl - Fox, Tuesdays at 9 - You had me at Zooey Deschanel. Sounds similar to TBS's "My Boys" but without the sports. And funny. It also looks like it has the heart that I look for in my sitcoms.

2. Awake - Midseason on NBC - Probably the most intruiging premise of any new show this season. The trailer looks incredible, but NBC has failed me in the past so I'm nervous.

3. Up All Night - NBC, Wednesdays at 8 - Christina Applegate and Will Arnett are always hilarious, and I don't think I've ever seen a half hour comedy that's shot like this.

4. More as the Story Develops - Spring on HBO - Aaron Sorkin's new show. Once again, he's tapping broadcast television. Once again, it's expected to be brilliant. But now he's on HBO where he can thrive.

5. Person of Interest - CBS, Thursdays at 9 - A collaboration between Jonathan Nolan and JJ Abrams? Frak me! Throw in Jim Caviziel as an ex-CIA vigilante and color me intrigued.

6. Smash - Midseason on NBC - High school melodrama turned me off to "Glee" but this is some meatier fare. It also has a whole "making it in showbiz" vibe that I can relate to well.

7. Alcatraz - Midseason on Fox - I don't consider myself a JJ Abrams fan, but his name still catches my eye. Prisoners disappear from Alcatraz and reappear 50 years in the future? Sounds like it's worth a look.

8. Terra Nova - Fox, Mondays at 8 - Freakin dinosaurs! You need more than that? This is one of, if not the most, ambitious shows of 2011. It should be worth checking out for the spectacle alone.

9. Hell on Wheels - Fall on AMC - Drama on AMC, what else needs to be said? Oh, AMC period piece? Sign me up! This show will keep me hooked on production value alone.

10. Pan Am - ABC, Sundays at 10 - While NBC is trying to hone in on the "Mad Men" cake with "The Playboy Club", "Pan Am" seems like it might actually hit the mark.

Honorable Mention:
Falling Skies - TNT, June 19th - This is a summer show so it doesn't qualify. Can this show coexist with Terra Nova? While the setup is different, the premise is still "Small colony of humans fight for survival and attempt to rebuild their society while something scary tries to pick them off".

Torchwood: Miracle Day - Starz, July 8th - Also a summer show, and not technically new. But I am very excited for this restart/continuation of the BBC's cult hit/Doctor Who spin-off.

Man Up - ABC, Tuesdays at 8:30 - The only decent looking comedy ABC has on tap this season. I'd be surprised if it lasts but Dan Fogler (star of Balls of Fury) looks very funny in this so I'll give it a shot.

I'll Disown You:
If I find out you're watching "Work It", you are dead to me. The fact that it was made is an indictment on ABC as a network, and television as a whole. Frankly, I'd rather watch an episode of "Jersey Shore".

Hebrews 10:24

I'm usually not one for the whole "translation #1 vs. translation #2" debate. Or worse the, "I like this version better" thing that people do these days. But this is one verse where I am going to make an exception.

This is Hebrews 10:24 in the New Living Translation:
"Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds."

I love that! First off, the "think of ways" immediately screams creativity to me and that's right down my alley. This seems like we're being encouraged to think outside the box. Don't just give someone a Hallmark card encouragement, think of something special. Something that will really encourage them personally, where they are at and with the challenges they are facing in their lives.

And encourage them to what? Outbursts of love and good deeds! I love that even more. Outbursts of love? Awesome. Encourage people to the point that they are just bursting at the seams with love and good will towards their fellow man. I think that's an incredible image. So powerful. So enthusiastic. We should always love in outbursts. Humans are drawn to people that love like that. But to encourage people in such a way that they go on to love like that? That's even more challenging. An outburst. You literally can't restrain yourself from loving that person. Wow.

Websters defines "outburst" as "a violent expression of feeling". And before you get the wrong image, "violent" is defined as "marked by extreme force or sudden intense activity". So keep your negative connotations to yourself on that one. Violent doesn't have to be harmful or painful, just sudden and intense.

But back to the translation thing, and why I'm on this verse tonight. The NIV has this:

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

Not bad. Definitely more cerebral and probably more technically accurate to the words used. But the NLT isn't about word for word translation, it's about capturing the essence and meaning of a passage. Which is why I find this difference of translation so interesting. Because in this case, the essence is definitely the more potent expression of the message. In fact, I know that I've read it before in the NIV but it wasn't until I stumbled across it tonight that it actually took root.

So go and try to live this verse in your life. It's one of my favorites now.

p.s. I will be posting an update about my time in Haiti soon, so stay tuned for that. Frankly, even though I've been back a week, I've only just begun to process what that trip means for my life.

Exciting News

It is with great excitement that I now write to tell you all about an opportunity that has arisen during my time here in Minnesota. My church is sending a team to do ministry in Haiti July 8th-20th. A team member pulled out suddenly a week ago and I felt God calling me to go. So after a little logistics work, we were able to switch some tickets around and extend my stay to accommodate the trip dates. As I embark on this adventure, I am confident this is the path God wants me on.

As many of you know, Haiti was devastated by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake in January of 2010 that left an estimated 316,000 people dead, 300,000 injured and 1,000,000 newly homeless. This quake was made even more devastating by the fact that Haiti had already ranked as the poorest country in Western Hemisphere. Poor government infrastructure, corruption and foreign bureaucracy have significantly slowed relief efforts (on the one year anniversary of the quake it was estimated that only 5% of the rubble had been cleared). Needless to say, the rebuilding process has barely begun.

We hope to make a significant, if small, dent. We will be building two new homes, as well as ministering at an orphanage and an AIDS hospice. Additionally, we will be hosting a three day Pastor's Conference (lead by our own church's senior pastor) to help provide area pastors with vital theological teaching. Attendance is expected to be upwards of 300, with pastors coming from all over the country to learn how they can better teach their congregations.

For me, the decision to go was not an easy one and is requiring no small amount of faith on my part. At a time when I have been struggling to pay my rent I now need to raise $1,900 to cover the trip expenses. God is good and I have already raised $500 but there's a long way still to go. If you feel lead to contribute financially, you can send donations to: 783 Cannon Ave Shoreview MN, 55126
Checks should be made out to Calvary Church. No amount is too small and I greatly appreciate any help you can offer. Any money I raise above and beyond my obligation will be put towards purchasing further supplies to help aid the people of Haiti.

But beyond financial needs, the team will need a lot of support in prayer. Specifically for the team, please pray for health and safety for our team, for effective ministry to the sick and dying, for spiritual strength in a country where (according to the CIA) 50% of the population practices Voodoo. For me, pray for my fund raising efforts, that I will be able to integrate well into a team that has been preparing together for months already, for adaptability as my California acclimated body will now be subject to severe heat and humidity, for emotional strength to lead teenage kids in a very challenging environment.

At a Crossroads

I grew up being told to pray to God for guidance or for things we want. Sometimes He'd say "Yes", sometimes "Maybe". Sometimes He'd say "No". But what happens when God says "Choose"?

I'm sitting at a bit of crossroads right now. There are certainly risks and rewards to be had on either side; pros and cons aplenty. One road brings me back to Los Angeles during the height of hiring season, the other brings me guaranteed money (enough to make it through the rest of 2011) and no long term employment. Of course, there is no guarantee of employment on the first road. But there is certainly less chance of employment on the second one.

I now must choose if I want to work, isolated and alone in Canada, for 7 weeks of my summer or if I want to dive face first into the LA job market at the beginning of July. And the trick is I feel strongly that God is saying, choose and I will bless you either way.

Now those that know me well know that decisions are not my strong point. I'm great at seeing all sides of a problem, but that vision cripples me at decision time. I know EXACTLY what I'm missing out on with my decision.

In the past God's path for me has always been quite clear. From my decision to attend Bethel to my journey to Los Angeles, it's always been easy for me to know what to do with big decisions. And maybe that will come in time. But right now, it's like staring into a mist.

Two paths diverge. Which is the one less traveled Mr. Frost?

Update Time

It seems to me that I have not updated this site with my own goings on for quite some time. And while I'm sure you enjoyed some of my prose and musings, I imagine some of you are here for raw, pure information straight from the source. So let's get to it shall we?

I have spent the better part of the last two months slaving away on a Modern Family Spec script. The script is for submission to 3 different programs; NBC's Writer's on the Verge, WB Writer's Workshop and the coveted ABC/Disney Writer's Program. Each one receives about 1,500 submissions each year, and they then choose 10 for admittance into their respective program. So yea, it's a long shot to the tune of 0.6%. But as a famous Corellian once said, "Never tell me the odds!".

That said, if all I get out of this experience is a solid spec script, I can't really complain. I went into this knowing it was a long shot, but adding a new script to my portfolio is always a plus.

It's also been a huge opportunity for God to bless me. See, the ABC/Disney fellowship requires two letters of recommendation from "Industry Professionals" who can comment on my potential as a television writer. It may seem like a tall order for someone just starting out like me (and it is), but it's justified. You see, the Disney Program is the only writer's program that pays it's participants $50,000 a year. Yes, you read that right. The others just offer good experience, this one actually pays. And for a single guy sharing an apartment, $50,000 would go a long ways. But I digress.

So the application process was going pretty smoothly overall, but the letters of recommendation were becoming a major source of stress the last couple weeks. One by one I was turned down by my limited resources. LAFSC professors were either uninterested or "too busy". Unfortunately for me, most of my connections I've made out here (and there are a lot of them) have been relatively lateral career-wise. That means that while I know plenty of aspiring "Industry Professionals" I know very few in a position to comment on my potential as a TV writer. Actually, to be more precise, I know exactly two.

Last year my friend Tim worked on a movie filming in Minnesota. While on set, he managed to make friends with the writers/director of the movie, sisters named Jill and Karen Sprecher. They had co-written the movie and Jill was directing it. And it wasn't their rodeo either. In fact, Jill and Karen had both been on staff for the 2006 season of the HBO show "Big Love".

Kind of ironic that Tim had met such accomplished individuals in Minnesota while I floundered away out here. So naturally, when Tim came to visit me in late March last year, he managed to introduce me to his new friends. In fact, we met at Easter brunch at Marie Callender's. Quite a conspicuous way to meet someone huh?

After Tim left, I kept up my contact with them via email, periodically asking for updates on their lives and offering them updates on mine. They were working on several paid writing assignments so their updates were usually more interesting than mine. It also meant they were so busy that, even with Tim visiting three more times in the past year, we never were able to meet up again.

But I kept at it, even when replys from them were few and far between. Eventually these contests came around and I, feeling much more bright and optimistic at the time than I have the last week or so, shot off a "why not?" email to them asking if they'd consider writing my recommendation letters. I didn't even expect a response as I hadn't heard anything from them in over five months.

But wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, they responded. In the face of mounting failure and disappointment, they came through when I needed it most. God's role in this is clear from my perspective and I am thankful for his providence here in the midst of hard times. While I doubt they will read this post, I also can't express my gratitude enough to the Sprecher sisters. If I get this fellowship I'm totally taking them out for a fancy dinner (I was thinking Chuck E Cheese or something).

Other than that, there hasn't been a lot going on. I'll be going home for most of the month of June (5th-30th), so anyone that reads this in that state (probably all of you) and wants to see me, there's your window. It's unlikely I'll be home again before Christmas so make the most of it! I, for one, am really looking forward to seeing my family again. Jordan is graduating from Mounds View the day after my flight gets in so that is exciting! With a little luck I might even get to see him compete in one last track meet.

I'll also be going to Pelican Rapids again for my 11th trip so that will be exciting after missing last year. But right now, all I can think about is how close I am to being completely finished with these applications and how happy I'll be when they are finally off my plate. I've had these three on my radar for over six months.

Til next time!

NBC's fall lineup = Everyone else's hits

Anyone else think that NBC is just trying to make their own versions of hit shows? Maybe it will work, but if you're just copying the best, you'll never be number 1. Though I suppose NBC would settle for not being last at this point.

On the plus side, it makes it easy to decide which "new" shows to watch when you can just match them to the shows you already watch. You can check out trailers here.

My theory:

Grimm = Supernatural

Same timeslot even, subtle. Throw in Fringe in the same timeslot too, and it's hard to see how this show can carve out any kind of niche of it's own. They're behind the eight ball on this one.

The Playboy Club = Mad Men

This could work since it seems to be more low brow than Mad Men, which is good since it's on NBC. Even has a little gangster action thrown in for good measure. May be the most likely to succeed in their new fall lineup.

Up All Night = Raising Hope

Different setup but the whole "raising a baby when we're horribly underqualified" thing is still there. I love Christina Applegate and Will Arnett though so kind of hope this is good still. Not getting my hopes up though.

Smash = Glee

Well, Glee for adults. Adult drama replaces high school drama and there's lots of song and dance. Looks promising actually, but is slated for midseason.

Prime Suspect = Literally a remake of a UK show

Could be ok. But don't see how Maria Bello can fill the shoes of Helen Mirren. Was probably more relevant in 1991 as well.

Awake = Journeyman?

This one looks really, really, really interesting. Admittedly this is a unique version of a familiar story (that has rarely succeeded in the past) but the trailer is by far the most interesting of any I've watched (for any network). The tone feels like nothing else on TV. That said, I have every faith that NBC will screw it up.

*Obviously none of these shows are carbon copies but they are all too close for comfort to me.

P.S. Whoever approved ABC's "Work It" should be shot. I can't believe that was actually produced much less green lit. Then again, this is the same network that green lit a show based on the Geico Cavemen so I guess I shouldn't be surprised...