Object Permanence For Adults

There's a developmental phase in childhood where a child learns what's called "Object Permanence". It's what makes peek-a-boo so exciting. In the child's mind, it is literally like if you or I were watching a person teleport in and out of a room, directly in front of us. When you think of it like that, it's no wonder they get so excited about it. It's magic!

Then we grow up a bit and suddenly, it's not the same. It's just your mom putting her hands in front of her face. I mean we're still happy to see her, but she didn't go anywhere really. She's still there on the other side. That's object permanence; the idea that an object does not cease to exist just because it's out of sight.

I think as adults it's important to fully develop what I'm going to call "Emotional Object Permanence". The idea that emotions don't cease to exist just because you're not interacting with the person or seeing them every day.

Living away from home, it's something that I have to embrace. I know that my brothers and sister still love me, even when I don't see them for months. I am certain that my parents still love me like the day I was born, even if I don't hear from them for weeks. I believe that old friends recall our time together with the same frequency and fondness as I do.

Doubt is immature. Love is a risk. Sure there's always a chance that the person in question does not share your feelings. But that's the failing of their object permanence, not anything to do with you. So take that chance and hold on to your belief.

Don't be like an infant that is startled and surprised when something they thought was gone returns. Be an adult who understands that it still exists, even if it's not right in front of you. You may not feel their love for you all the time, but you can certainly remember your love for them. If you allow that your loved ones feel the same way about you as you do about them, it's easy.